Last Night

Last night was so amazing. The Spirit sucked, but spending time with him was amazing.

I never wanted it to end.

'Nuff said.

<3

~J*~

The Day Of

I have a date tonight.

=D

I'm so damn excited. I really like him. He really likes me. We actually go to the same school XD I can't freaking wait. Gahh. We're going to see either The Spirit or Yes Man. Not sure which; they both start at roughly the same time. I can't wait to see him. Haven't seen him since Tuesday. And I know that sounds lame.

"Joey, that's not that long ago. Take a pill de chill."

I know, but it feels like forever. I promise, I'll try to stop being lame.

Anyway...

I went shopping yesterday. Yay. Sadly, I was alone. Boo. Yeah, my dad and Kim wanted to go, and I went with, but all of my friends were busy and such, so yeah... I got a really cute coat from Old Navy. It's like, black courdoroy (wow I totally butchered that word), and the inside of the hood is black and red checkered, and the zipper is underneath the buttons and yeah :3 Really cute. And then I got two t-shirts at Hot Topic. One is All Time Low (goddamn, I love them!) and it has a pink octopus on it :3 I named him Alex. After the lead singer. Because I'm just that amazing.

(Pshtyeahrightokaykthnx)

But I came downstairs with the shirt on this morning and the conversation with Kim went as follows:

Kim: "Whoa... that's pink on your shirt."

Me: "Hm."

Kim: "You gonna wear that tonight?"

Me: "Mhm."

Kim: "Well... people talk."

Me: "That's nice. People can talk all they want."

---

Clearly, I'm not out to her or my dad yet.

Yet.

Anyway, I also got a Paramore shirt. It's black, and the front has orange fading to yellow, fading to blue, and it says "We Are Paramore." Ish cute. :)

So yeah.

Okay, wellllll, I think I'm done rambling about now. I'm leaving in an hour :D

EXCITED!!!

Hehe.

Okay.

Hugs&kisses

~J*~

Merry Christmas... I Think?

So it definitely feels NOTHING like Christmas. It's really sunny and green outside. Gr. And there's like, nothing Christmasy in my house. I'm going to my dad's in about forty-five minutes, so maybe it'll be a little more Christmas spirit-y there.

But yeah.

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone.

Because I don't discriminate in good holiday wishes :D

Haha.

Currently listening to: The Dresden Dolls. Maybe THAT'S why I'm not in the most Christmasy mood XD

~J*~

Do Me A Favor?

I made a video about this too, on my vlog, and now apparently it's a problem on Blogger. You see, I went to middle school with a few kids - one stands out in particular, by the name of Arjun Chaabra (pedophiles, feel free) - who pretty much made my life a living hell. And now they're trying again over the internet.

I know it seems like I'm "letting them get to me" by giving them this "attention," but I'm going to make this clear one more time.

You are pathetic. Just so you know. "joeytruth" - a very LAME parody on my last name - i know who you are. You must think I'm stupid, because you only have videos on yourselves on YouTube. Granted, you only made the YouTube in the first place to harass me. Seriously. Grow up and get some fucking balls. You're going to sit there and give me shit because, what, you have nothing better to do with your own life? Wow. I'll say it again: You Are Pathetic.

So, faithful readers, feel free to spam them. They left a comment on my last post.

((Thanks, Nikki, I know you helped :3))

Anyway...

Sososo yesterday, we only had like, four classes. It was the day before break, and at lunch, my lesbian Rosie came in the stairway saying they were letting us out early because of a water main break. So we went to fifth period and they let us go and yeahhh :3

I gotz a few extra minutes wiff mah boyyy XD

Anywayyyy.

So yeah. Break's starting off kinda slow. Nothing special for Christmas Eve. I'm going to my dad's tomorrow for Christmas, then on Friday I'm going out with Jayson to chill at the mall. Hopefully. He better be able to get a ride -_-

I was supposed to go to church tonight with my mom and her friend - who happens to be the mother of one of my really good friends - but my mom was like "i dont' feel like going," and I almost went just to chill with Joey. Not me. Other Joey. My friend Joey. XD

Anyway.

[/ramble]

Okay, I think I'm done.

I'm gonna go figure out why I can't get on AIM and MSN and the such.

Tee tee why ell.

<3

~J*~

Well shit.

As some of my readers know by now - the ones who know me, or overhear me in class - my mom was laid off a month or so ago. She has had no luck finding a job - not even a temp. I was freaking out before, but now I'm terrified, as is she.

If she cannot find a job my mid-January, I would have to move in with my father, and she would move in with her sister in Pittsburgh. I would stay with my dad to finish out the school year, then, if it's up to me - which it might not be, because he can be a tool bag - I'll move to Pittsburgh over the summer and finish out my senior year at a local high school that one of my cousins graduated from that's very similar to the one I'm going to now.

Leaving terrifies me. And my mom is mad, because I'm staying with my dad, and she thought I'd go with her. She's furious, and I hurt her really bad by telling her I wanted to go with my dad, if just for a couple months. For the longest time, I have said over and over that:
a) I do not want to leave these dogs.
b) I do not want to live with Kim.
c) My dad doesn't understand me.

I've promised my mom time and time again that I wouldn't live with my dad if I had to. And now it's an actual, very real possibility, and I'm terrified. I don't want to go to Pittsburgh and start over somewhere new. I may hate this state, but I've grown up here. I don't know anything else. And, yes, part of it is my friends. Next year, Sam will have graduated, as will my other senior friends, but what about everyone else? And Abby? She'll be living with her grandmother, close-ish to where my dad lives (less than 10 minute drive), and I'll miss her like hell. And, of course, other people.

If I am forced to stay with my dad for however many months, the plus side is I will probably get my license. Who knows, maybe even a car.

(As Ellen Paige said in Juno: WHOA, DREAM BIG!)

If this happens, transportation will be a million times easier. I'll be able to see the three people I'm closest to easier, even 250 miles away. I'd visit every opportunity I got.

But I'm so scared.

Leaving has never been so real before, and I'm terrified.

~J*~

So I Haven't Posted Since Saturday... And It's THURSDAY?!?!?

So.

So.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I love you!! I promise. I've just been too caught up in things to really focus on... well, much of anything. School included. Yet somehow, I magically have an A in precalculus.

SAY WHAT?!?!?

Yeah really.

And we got our PSAT results. 1710 for yours truly, out of 2200, I believe. I know someone that got 2130. I'm fucking JEALOUS. I wish I was that smart ><

I have two C's right now. Biology in psychology. The 'ologys don't like me. And if that wasn't bad grammar, I have no clue what is. =D

Life is really good right now, and I'm exceedingly happy. I just have to focus more on school rather than... erm... social issues.

But I can't help that my thoughts get carried away! ...Can I?

I've been texting so much over the past four days. My mom's gonna freak. Like, it's unlimited, but I have "better things to do with my time."

((Not really, but let her live in her own little fantasy world :D))

Everyone is finding someone, including me, and that makes me really happy. It's like, perfect timing - right around Christmas. The present everyone wants - someone to hold and be with.

Nothing could be better.

<3

~J*~

Kara Is My Lover. Her Parties Are Orgy-Tastic

So yeah =D Pretty much started off everyone was in the living room watching this movie called "How High," which was the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Homg total straight boy movie. And then people started showing up. And my friend Jayson was like "I'm not able to come" and then he showed up and I was like :DD

XD

So yeah. There were lotsa people. We all just kinda chilled and talked and molseted (mainly Kara) and yuppp.

Then we went on the trampoline out back and this guy and this girl were swallowing each others' tongues and they disappeared for like, half an hour. So yeah. Sketch? I think so.

So yeah. We chilled out there. Literally. Chilled. Fcken freezingggg. Then we went back in for more molestation and yeahh just hung out and talked.

Wewt :D

Not as much dancing this time though. That kinda saddens me. But meh.

^_^

~J*~

Bipolar Friday

How was my day?

Bipolar.

I started this morning off with a ride to school from mom, at which time we got in a huge fight because she was being slightly stereotypical and she started yelling and cursing at me when I was trying to be rational. She made a comment that I dont' feel like repeating, simply because I would have to type out the longevity of the argument, but basically it felt as if she were hitting below the belt in regards to my sexuality. Not that she's a homophobe or anything, because she's not. But... yeah.

So needless to say, my morning was fucked six ways to Sunday. I was quite and emo-rrific with my friends and didn't really talk to anyone. Jayson made me smile a little bit, but... blargh. Then all through second period (today was a block day, so an hour and a half of precalculus... oh boy...) I was blahish. I didn't understand any of the shit we were doing, and eventually I was just like "fuck this, I give up." Then in fourth period psychology, things started to look up a bit. For no reason, I just started feeling giggly.

Then Jayson proceeded to rape me at lunch, and the rest of the day was pretty much a breeze.

By rape, I mean he found a particular ticklish spot and wouldn't let up. So yeah. I basically beat the shit out of him, but he didn't really notice. Yikes.

In sixth period video production, we had a sub, so we just watched a video on editing.

Then in theater, we talked a little about the performance last Saturday with the Text Alive coordinators, and yeahhh..

OH.

This girl, Nicole, said something uberfunny in psychology.


"Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lay there."

It made me laugh. A lot. So I thought I'd share that with you.

I'm looking forward to Kara's party tomorrow night =] Excitement abounds!!

~J*~

Remember How I Said I Can't Haz Cookie Dough?

I had cookie dough :3

They were in these little pre-shaped cookies.

HOMG SO GOOD!! They were like, the cookie dough from the ice cream.

Nomnom yummerific.

Yeah that was last night. Just thought I'd share that with you.

But now I have Swiss Miss hot chocolate :3

Yummy.

So guess what?

My biology teacher is a sadist. No lie. He likes seeing his students put their hands in ice water for five minutes straight, just to break toothpicks to simulate enzyme action.

Huhhh??

Yeah, I don't even really get it myself. We were simulating enzyme action on like, substrates and such, and breaking toothpicks as fast as possible, and for the last part of the lab, one person per group had to put their hands in ice water for five minutes. Holy shit, it hurt. Like, they were in there FOR FIVE MINUTES. And then I broke like, three toothpicks at a time. (There were ten). If I kept my hands still in the water, they felt warm, but if I moved them HOMG OUCHIESSSS.

But if Mr. Turner is a sadist, then I suppose I'm a masochist for volunteering for our group. This girl, Mariah, wanted to do it, but I said I would, she was all "okay." And then she tried and was like "OMG I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T DO THIS!"

Soyeah.

I can haz really red hands?

Oh, question.

Does anyone know how long it takes to receive a letter in Illinois, sent from Maryland? Because I sent my BFFL, Nikki, a letter for Christmas on the sixth, and she still hasn't gotten it. Which is greatly depressing me, because there was a surprise inside. You know, like my Reese's Puffs yesterday morning?

Yeah, I had a little rolly giraffe from Madagascar 2 in my cereal. It's my new favorite thing.

Yeah.

OH.

Jayson gave me a present yesterday. A lubricated, ultra-ribbed Trojan condom. Yeah. I was walking home with Abby today and I blew it up on the side of the road. It looked so wrong. I got funny looks. And a car honked at me. Then I let it deflate and it landed in the street.

I wonder what people will think when they see it?

It was gross. It was like, slimy. Stupid lubricant.

God, I hate that word.

~J*~

I Can Haz Sweet Tooth? AND POT BREATH!?

So we went to the store yesterday and didn't get any good sweets. We have some chocolate chip cookie dough that I really want to eat without cooking (I'z a cookie dough addict) but nooo, I'm not allowed.

**le sigh**

Sweet tooth like shit.

So yesterday, my mommeh picked me up from school and we were in the car and she was all "I smell pot." How does she know what pot smells like? No idea. Probably had a couple stoner days.

Well, we figure it's the bus in front of us, some kid lighting up in back. The bus turns, and she still smells it. We get in the store, I'm talking, she leans in, sniffs, and goes "Your breath smells like pot."

WTF.

Now my mother thinks I'm a pothead. As if she doesn't have enough reason to NOT trust me ><

In other news....

Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat?

I made a new vlog.

Now I just have to edit and upload it.

I've been totally neglecting it because blogging is sort of infinitely cooler 'cause I can express my writing easier, and yeahh. So yeah :3

Okay.

I'm done rambling for now.

<3

~J*~

That Was INFINITELY Easier Than I Anticipated

Sosososososo.

I know you're all dying to hear how my performance went this morning at the Shakespeare Theater.

Two words.

Fab.

Ulous.

I mean, this morning when I woke up at 6:00, I wasn't even nervous. Of course, we got backstage, and I was terrified. Then they did the prologue, and scene one, and OH MY GOSH IT'S OUR TURN!!!

But me and my scene partner, JJ, were cued, and I didn't even CARE that I was standing in an angel costume in front of however many people. I was like WHA-BAM, character, projection, voi la.

I'm kinda mad I didn't get a bigger part now ><

But yeahhh...

Some of the other schools sucked hardcore. Some kids forgot their lines and I couldn't hear them - and I was in the SECOND ROW.

Our school had to be in the top three. At least.

The scene before us - my friend Jake was in it - was INCREDIBLE. But since we were scene two - they were scene one - we didn't get to see it, because we were already backstage. So yeah :(

BUT MY MOM BOUGHT THE DVD.

Hehehe.

Then two scenes after us, the balcony scene, was OMGSOGOOD. They did this really clever concept that was like... clever.

See, they had like, these old people in a retirement home and the old man had a really big remote and in front of them the two people playing Romeo and Juliet were performing, and every time the old man changed the channel, different people came on in different costumes and continued with the dialogue.

SO WITTY.

Loved it.

Best scene.




But now I have some sad news.

I did not get to take any pictures. =[
I know this is very saddening, and I'm sorry, because I SERIOUSLY meant to. But I totally forgot. *le sigh*

Oh well.

Maybe someone took a picture and will put it on Facebook?

Or something?


~J*~

I Must Remember to Bring my Camera to School Tomorrow!

I'm going to try my hardest to bring my camera to school tomorrow to get people to take pictures of my costume for theater to post on Facebook, and on here.

I know people are dying to see it.

**cough**Tia**cough**

**sneeze**Sam**sneeze**

So I've been hoping Ms Roots would cut my "scene partner" from the scene, because he misses cues and doesn't stay in the scene. But, quite frankly, it works a bit better with him, because there are certain bits we do.

I wish I could have it recorded to post on YouTube, but I dont' think that will be possible. Which sucks. But blahh. I guess the fewer people that see it, the better.

I think I'll put my camera in my bag tonight so I don't forget it tomorrow.

Anygay...

Sorry I've been inactive for the past two days. Internet issues out the wazoo. So yeah. Inactivity might be frequentish.

Okay.

I think I'm going to try to write now maybe possibly. I've been writing quite a bit lately...ish.
=D

~J*~

Stressing Out Much?

I'm so scared.

Clever Girl Tia, your reassurances mean a lot, but stage fright can't be helped.

The performance at the Shakespeare Theatre is on Saturday at about 9:AM. I have to be there at 8:15. No one in my theater class is really taking it seriously, Ms. Roots is pissed, and I think we're kind of majorly F U C K E D.

I can't tell you how damn nervous I am. I mean, I know it's not many lines, but still, I have to stand up in front of a lot of people and act in a fucking ANGEL COSTUME. Gah. I thought a white dress shirt, light jeans, and a halo would be enough, but NO. White dress shirt, white pants, and WINGS. And we have to arrive at the Theatre IN COSTUME.

So I'm going to be walking around the nation's capitol looking like a fucking ANGEL.

I'm so not putting the wings on until I get in the damn place.

I don't know why I'm dreading this week so much. I just so totally want Saturday to be over. Like, really bad.

Gah.

Why did I do this to myself?

Gah.

Just... gah.

~J*~

Pittsburgh... I Miss It Already

Usually, when we leave my aunt's house in Pittsburgh to come back to sucky ol' Maryland, I suffer from a bout of depression. Today was no different.

I also suffer from a realization of how much I absolutely hate this state.

Not just because of the shitty school systems and the too-warm weather, but just BECAUSE.

You know when you were four years old and someone asked you something and you'd say "just because?" Yeah. It's like that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be back in familiar surroundings, and to have one of my two lovely Pomeranians back.

Gizmo, the other one, is still boarded at the vet, because they aren't open on Sunday, and so we couldn't get him =[ He was terrified at first (My mom obviously called and checked in on him!) but then he started to warm up to the people there. I'm going to school late tomorrow just to pick him up. I miss him. He's seriously exclusively MY dog.

He loves me the mostest =]

I just hope he doesn't hate me too much ><

So I'll give you a quick rundown of my Thanksgiving holiday!! **confetti falls from sky and joyous music plays**

Thursday: The five hour journey to Pittsburgh, spent mostly blasting my iPod and singing. When we arrived, dinner was just about ready. We stayed at my aunt Ina's place, with my cousins Chris (19) and Matt (13). For dinner, my uncle Tom's brother and sister-in-law showed up, as well as my aunt Mim and her husband Danny, as well as her son Ricky. So we ate, and the table I sat at consisted of: Chris, Matt, Ricky, Tom's brother, and Danny. They talked about action movies and video games and guns, and I felt like an utter disgrace because of the overload of testosterone around me and, well, due to my feminine tendencies, I could barely partake in the conversation. My masculinity was slightly redeemed that night when me, Matt, and Danny were in the basement, Matt playing some Star Wars video game, and Danny and I had a discussion about horror/gory movies.
I guess that's one brownie point for me.

Friday: Um... nothing really. Just kinda hung out, I think. My memory of Friday isn't too great... Guess nothing really memorable happened. Except I finished the ninth Anita Blake novel :P

Saturday: We went to my aunt Mim's house for a while. My mom, Mim, and Ina (they're sisters, in case that wasn't clear) have a long-time friend named Rochelle, who came to visit them. So we just kinda hung out. That morning, I started the third House of Night novel, and finished it that same night. You must read the series. It's addictive. Slightly amateur in style, but addictive. That night, my aunt Ina and Chris went to a Penguins game - they won, woo! - and Matt had a friend come over. So me and my mom just read.

Sunday: The car ride home that should've been five hours was in actuality, seven, thanks to traffic. This was spent, once again, listening to music and reading. Honestly, the car ride up is so much better than the one back. Because, on the one back, I know I have to come home. A home I really want to get away from.

So yeah. That was my Thanksgiving holiday. I hope everyone else's was equally wonderful!!!

~J*~

PS:

Everyone, have a marvelous Thanksgiving. I hope the turkey - or vegitarian food? - is fabulous. Just don't eat too much!!

I'll be going to Pittsburgh, so I probably won't be blogging again until Sunday night or Monday some time. But yeah!!

Have fun!!

Be safe!!

Eat well!!

Be thankful!!

~J*~

My Gratitude List

Feel free to repost your own version in your own blog.

My Gratitude List

I Am Grateful:

1) that I have a mother who can support me and that I can trust, and be myself around.

2) that I have Abby, my best friend since seventh grade, who I can tell anything to and not be judged.

3) that I have Sam, my best friend since ninth grade, who I have spent many a late night on the phone with, talking about everything and nothing, laughing till we cry.

4) that I have two dogs, Misty and Gizmo, the barky, four pound furballs that somehow know when I'm not feeling at my best and try, in their doggy ways, to cheer me up.

5) that I have my Stairway Crew, who all provide me with the energy and laughs to make it through the day.

6) that I have my iPod, which provides me with the music I need to save my sanity, or gives me the inspiration to write.

7) for my creativity with words; without it, I would be backed up with stress and anger, no way to get it out.

8) for my cell phone, which saves me from boredom at the most boring times with random text messages from friends.

9) for books - Anita Blake in particular - which have provided me with the inspiration to start taking writing even more seriously.

10) for Nikki, who I met last summer, and even though she's 600 miles away, I feel like I've known her for forever. She is like a little sister to me, and I love her. And let's not forget Paige, who always makes our phone conversations even more interesting.

11) for Ashley, my tall emangsta girl and mentor. She has provided me with so much good advice, and it has saved me from making stupid mistakes.

12) for Laurell K. Hamilton, who pops out Anita Blake books at the rate that bunnies reproduce. Seriously, these books are fabulous. Read them.

13) for Clever Girl Tia, who writes an amazing blog that I can look forward to reading every day - and usually get quite a few laughs from.

I think that about sums it up.

=]

And, of course, I love you all - whoever's reading this.

~J*~

It's Happened

I have another blog.
It was bound to happen eventually.
/addiction

http://the-writer-ive-become.blogspot.com

~J*~

I Hate Living in an Apartment

So. I got to stay home today. So I only technically have one and a half days of school this week =D

"Why did you stay home, Joey? Bad boy, playing hooky."

NUH-UH.

Our washer is broken, and I have NO clean clothes. Maintenence was supposed to come fix it today, but they're still not here, so I may run a couple things over to Abby's in a couple hours... I dunno yet.

Yeah yeah, I should do laundry more regularly. Sue me.

So I've been reading all day, and watching TV, and having narcolepsy attacks. Just randomly sleeping, even though I slept enough. Probably some sleep debt. Yeah, we read about it in psychology.

Sleep debt - n; a result of sleep deprivation, which you "pay off" by sleeping more.

That's a rough definition. But I think I got rid of a little of that debt today.

Wheee! Hehe.

As I'm typing this, maintenence has knocked on the door, and they are now working on the washer. Yay! I get to clean clothes and go to school tomorrow - in clean clothes.

*Phew*

Weirdly, I miss school.

I know.

ODD.

I mean, I don't exactly dislike school, but at the same time, I just don't wanna go all the time. But I kinda missed it today.

Except for the test in psychology I was supposed to take.

Yikes.

I studied, though!!

Too bad my pet "lesbian" has my book.

Damn you, Sam.

~J*~

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight (I can haz review?)

I'll explain my process to you before I go further, 'kay?

I'm a die-hard movie fan - usually some form of horror or thriller, or most things with a supernatural element. Except for sci-fi. But when I see a movie, I automatically begin to mentally tear it apart and nitpick at the negative things. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I hate the movie. But I critique the hell out of it. It's rare that I find a movie I get so sucked into that I don't critique it at all. I found one today called "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon," but we'll save that for a rainy day.

In any case, most of my problems with Twilight were in the acting - and, of course, the horrid CGI, but the budget is limited. Everything else deserves nothing but praise, because over all, they did a miraculous job. So much better than I was expecting.
__________

So I'll just start with the basics: adaptation

There are slight spoilers, but nothing that'll ruin everything for you

The book and the film were not identical twins, but it is like that with every movie adapted from print-on-page to the silver screen. Harry Potter, for example. While most of those films so far have remained faithful to the books, they are never 100% similar, nor can they ever be - generally for time's sake, or because narration in films becomes bothersome.

In the adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's bestselling, cliched (yet remarkably written) tale of the love between mortal and immortal beings, things were changed around, added, and taken away - mostly for time's sake, and the sake of the interest of the audience. For example, three-fifths of the novel is about Edward Cullen and Isabella (Bella) Swan falling in love. It is not until the latter two-fifths that Lorent, James, and Victoria show up and begin to cause trouble. However, in the movie, two innocent lives are lost to these three vampires.

Other than that, the adaptation was very good. Things were switched around, but it didn't affect the overall outcome of the movie.
____________

The acting

Kristen Stewart was phenominal. As soon as I read the novel, an image of the young actress - famous for Panic Room, Speak, and The Messengers. And what do you know - she is casted for the role. That made me ecstatic - she was absolutely flawless. She played the role perfectly - from the clumsiness, right down to the social issues. It is apparent that she is good at whatever theme she is acting under, and her career will definitely be a successful one. My fear, however, is that she will be best known for Bella Swan in the Twilight saga adaptation. I sincerely hope she is not done after these films are all complete.

------

Then, of course, Nikki Reed, playing the role of Rosalie. Nikki is most famous for the teen drama Thirteen, which I have yet to see. I did, however, see her in a movie called Mini's First Time, also starring Alec Baldwin. Her performance as a cold-hearted, vixen bitch was mindblowing, and she once again takes it to that same icy level with Rosalie.

------

Robert Pattinson is another story, however. Described in the book, Edward is supposed to be a gorgeous, godly creature. I guess, in his own way, Pattinson fits the bill. Everyone has their type - he's just not mine. But that was not the problem with me.

The problem was his acting.

By the end of the movie, Pattinson simply was Edward Cullen. However, I think he was simply focusing way too much on sounding American, and that was detracting from his full potential at playing the part. Obviously, playing Edward, he needed to sound "American," so not much could have been done about that. But I just think that's what was detracting from the acting itself.

------

Taylor Lautner, the boy that played Jacob, famous for... well... nothing... Well, let's just say it's apparent why he's famous for nothing. To put it nicely, his acting could use some serious work.

____________

Everyone else basically ranged from pretty good to really good on the acting scale, but, to be frank, I just don't feel like going through all of them XD

But yeahhh that about sums it up!!
=D

Go see it.
Now.

~J*~

Monster and Bank Robberies... Say What?

I had three doses of caffiene today.
My heart hurt.
Is that a bad thing?

I had a cup of coffee this morning and a Snickers "Blasted" bar... or something to that effect. Basically a Snickers bar with caffiene and taurine. Then a can of Monster.

God.

I love Monster.

Seriously, if you haven't had it, go buy a can at your nearest convenience store slash supermarket. 'Gasmic. Preferably green or red ("Assault.") The blue is basically just "diet," and orange ("Khaos") is somewhat of an aquired taste, as is yellow ("M-80"), because they're both juice blends. As is the purple ("MIXX'D"), but really, that just tastes like grape soda. Then there are the coffee flavors.
Mmmmm.
I can haz mocha flavor, plz?

Wow, I just spent like, so long talking about M O N S T E R. But it's just that amazing.


Anyway.


So I live in an eastern state. And in this eastern state there is a town of about 7,500 people with not-exactly-defined "city limits." It's quite a small town, depending on what you think the limits are. But anyway.
In our extended fifth period, my friend Laura texted me.

"be careful going home!"

My response: "Why?"

"someone robbed a bank in *****ville and now they're in *******ville (my town) and they're armed."

Basically, it was all over the news. There were three suspects, and they shot one down and killed him, and they found the second and they think they know where the third is. So yeah.

But it was a really big deal. My high school isn't in my town, so it wasn't affected too bad, but basically the kids that live in the general area where they thought the guy was had to go to this middle school in the area - my middle school, no less. My BFF main girl Abby goes to a high school not far from the middle school, so she was on lockdown. But they eventually let everyone go home.

Good thing I stayed after school ><

I'm terrified. In like, two weeks or less, we have that performance in the Shakespeare Theater in DC, and gahhh I'm going to die. We had rehearsal today after school - my theater class is seventh period, so that was convenient - and just... I mean, it's slowly coming together, but the guy that I'm doing the scene with isn't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed (Juno reference :3), and like... I dunno, I'm just really nervous.
GAH.
=[

I want to back out, but I think it's too late.

FUDGENUTTERS.

~J*~

PS: I really need material for my advice blog. It's so neglected =[ **hugs blog**
kthnxguys

The Burts and the Bees

So I have a new addiction.

I haven't worn chapstick for M O N T H S. No lie. The last time I put anything on my lips, it was Vaseline, because I didn't have chapstick, and my lips hurt so bad. I don't know how I've survived this long. Seriously. My lips were like a desert. Good thing no one's kissed me for two years :P

But I really needed something last night so I asked my mom if she had any chapstick, and she gave me this Burt's Bees Lip Balm and I'm like, addicted to it. I swear, they put crack in it, so when you lick your lips, you want more. Because I've been putting some on like, every hour today. It's a bit riDUNKulous.

Yeah.

I said it.

Got a problem?

Who you tryna front?

[/britneyspearsreference]


My theater class is so bad. That's what I get for signing up for a class with like, one junior, one sophomore, and the rest -- FRESHMEN.
((No offense to the ninth graders of the world... unless you're obnoxious.))
But seriously, they don't know when to shut the eff up, and we have a performance in a little over a week for the general public at the Shakespeare Theatre in Washington D.C. for a scene from Romeo and Juliet and Jesus Christ I'm so nervous!! But these kids can't shut the eff up, so we're so far behind in rehearsing and seriously, they're screwing us all over.

So we have to divide up the roles a bit, right? There are only eight speaking roles, and Ms. Roots divided them up so fourteen people can have speaking parts. There are three girls playing Lady Capulet (Juliet's mother, for those of you unfamiliar). Well, today, one of them kept giggling a little at one point for whatever reason, and Ms. Roots said "There are other girls that wanted this role," and the girl took it the wrong way and stormed off and the entire class decided to go wild and Ms. Roots got really upset and went into her office. Meanwhile, me and this guy Max are trying to get everyone to shut up by telling them that not only are they screwing THEMSELVES over by talking so much, but they're screwing the people that DO care over, too.
Ms. Roots came back out of her office and gave a long speech and she started crying and people felt bad and I wanted to hug her, but then I'd have seemed like a teacher's pet, so I didn't XD But yeah... it was awful. She was my English teacher last year, second semester, and I really like her, she's fairly awesome.
=]
So yeah. It's just really frustrating because, while I have a bit part, I want to actually REHEARSE so I don't make a giant fool of myself in front of zillions of people.
So yeah.
Nerves much?

Well, I do believe that's about it.
TTFN<3

~J*~

--Currently binging on MayDay Parade--

The Life Story You HAVEN'T Been Waiting For

So I've realized that I haven't had an actual really long post, like, detailed and meaningful, like all the other good bloggers do quite often. But I've always sort of wondered: what do I talk about? Do I talk about me? I don't really like talking about myself too much; I start to feel conceited. So what do I talk about?

Maybe I'll welcome you to my life a little bit. How about a life story?
I suppose this entails talking about myself, but oh well. Maybe it'll get some of my writer's block out of my skull, eh?
No, I'm not Canadian.

A few posts ago, I said I would get into my whole "coming out thing." I guess that's kinda where my life really begins.

I was thirteen, and I was desperatly "in love" with a girl. Yes. A girl. I'll call her R. I was on MySpace, checking bulletins and the such, and I saw a survey from her. Since I felt so strongly about her, I was obviously stalking her.
On this survey, it was said that R felt bisexual guys were "hot." So I figured I would tell her I was bisexual so she would think I was hot and she'd want me. So tell her I did, and still, nothing change.
It was then I realized - oh shit. I really do like boys.

I spent the next year and a half trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay, simply because - and I told my life coach, Diana, this - I was scared for the kids I would one day have, and I didn't want them to face the torment of being made fun of for having two daddies.

During this period - in eigth grade - I became close to Abby. You see, as the hit movie Juno begins:
It started with a chair.
Our friendship actually started with a short obnoxious closetcase named "C," who Abby was dating at the time. A huge fight broke out between the three of us, things were said, misunderstandings were made, and I dated Abby for a week. She broke up with me on the way to the first date. Partly because she was in love with another boy, and she knew - before I did - that I was gay.
It was after that that we began to get really close. While she was carrying a spinny chair out to the dumpster.

Me - **doubletake** Abby?
Abby - **looks around, sees me** You live here?!
Me - You live here?!
**Laugh and talk**
So yeah. We began to hang out and wha-bam. Just add sexual harrassment, insta-friendship.

At the start of ninth grade, I met a girl named Ashely. She had changed my life, and I'm not exaggerating. She has given me so much great advice, and she helped me so much through the period described next.

In ninth grade, I met a boy named "D." D was dating a girl at the time, but somehow I knew he wasn't exactly the straightest stick in the forest.

(Oh yeah. I'm witty.)

It was a sort of love at first sight, and a mutual friend introduced us. One day after school, D asked me out, and we began seeing each other after school for two and a half months. Those were some of the best months of my life. I was so damn happy. And then, a couple days before Christmas, he had to end it all.
Oh well.

I was miserable until the following August. I know. Bella without Edward, anyone? It's pathetic, I know, but I was just so deeply in love with him, and I seriously thought he felt the same way.
But what about the girlfriend, you ask. D told me he told the girl, and I was naive enough to believe him. It wasn't until months after our relationship had ended that I found out he'd lied. To be blunt, he's a compulsive liar.

During this period, Ashley helped me a lot, by putting up with my whining and complaining and stubbornness. She wasn't afraid to be blunt with me, and I thank her for that more than you can know.

It is the following spring after the break up that I met Sam, and my life has never been the same. She has made it so much better. She and Abby both have just made me such a better person, and I've changed so much because of them. When I met Sam, I really thought that she would be one of the first friends that faded into the shroud of memories after she graduated. Little did I know we'd spend almost every night the following year, up until even now, on the phone, talking about everything, talking about nothing.

The following summer I met Nikki. You don't understand how close I feel to her, even though she's at least six hundred miles away. I feel like while I'm giving her as best advice from my two years of extra experience that I can, while she helps me in more ways than she knows - simply by being there, and listening when I need somone to listen. Even when I don't want to hear the truth, she gives it to me like it needs to be given.

I had to come out to my mom three times. Once when I told her I was bisexual - that was a cry-fest - and twice for her to understand that I am, in fact, gay. The last time was particularly emotional - it was over the phone, with Diana, who moderated the whole affair. My mother is not a homophobe. She is a more accepting mother than I could have hoped for. But she is scared for me, and I understand that.

I still have not come out to my dad.

Maybe I won't, because I don't want to deal with him any longer than I have to. While he is not an asshole to me, he is to my mother, and sometimes he is an asshole to her through me. He uses me to hurt her, thanks to whatever grudge he holds against her for whatever he thinks she did twelve years ago, when they got divorced.

Blah.

But let's move back to the present!!!
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Today. Lunch was so much fun. It started off with leaving psychology. I tried to drag Rosie (mentioned in the blog about the Halloween party) to our stairway, and she was trying to go to her place, wherever that may be. Regardless, we were pulling against each other, which resulted in banging each other against the lockers and grunts that sounded quite sexual. The girl, "R," mentioned earlier, saw this and got quite confused.

Me - Hi, R!
R - Um... hi **runs into bathroom**
**Me and Rosie continue to pull at each other in suggestive positions**
**Mae walks up**
Mae - Joey, you're so bi!
Me - NUH UH!

**gigglegiggleSNORT** it was funny.
And then in the stairway, Sam was messing with me, so I attacked her, which led to a fight while we scooched our asses across the floor.
Oh my God.
It was amazing.
XD

But yeah.

=]
Well I think I'm done wasting your time.
Adios.
(That means goodbye)

<3
~J*~

One Day, and I Already Mess Up... Sort Of?

So yesterday I did good with the eating less. I ate an apple and a teeny piece of banana bread for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and leftover lo mein for dinner, followed by five caramel creams. My new workout of 100 crunches, 5 ten second squats, and 30 minutes of walking was thrown in there.

Today was a different story.

When I'm done typing this, I am going to work out. But I ate more than I would've liked to. The peanut butter bagel this morning was fine. Sandwich for lunch? Sure. But then I fell into my pattern of eating when I get home once again. I used to not eat lunch at all at school and eat when I came home and ususally binge a bit on junk food.
Well, today when I got home, I made one Lean Pocket, ate a handful of cheez-its, two squares of peppermint bark Ghiardelli, and a banana.
Ugh.
I feel ewey.
So I'll binge on Semi Precious Weapons :D
I have been since school let out, though... I've been music binging a lot lately. Katy Perry, Lily Allen , MayDay Parade , Danger: Radio , and Semi Precious Weapons.
/music whore

~J*~

Self Esteem? What Self Esteem?

I'm so unhappy.

Ever since I left that party last night, I've been having the BIGGEST self-confidence issues. I don't like my body. I shan't deny, I have a decent face, but my body is like **flab** and I hate it. So I was being all emo last night and then my "mentor" Ashley IMed me this really long IM because I was bitching to her about not being happy with myself and it made me cry happy tears.
So basically, I'm starting a workout regimine. 100 crunches a day, 10 squats, 30 minutes of walking OR a Tae Bo tape, 100 butt clenches - yes, butt clenches, get the giggles out of your system now - and maybe some stuff with the six pound dumbbells I have. I'm going to start eating breakfast, then a small lunch when I get home, then dinner. Breakfast will consist of maybe an egg or two and/or maybe an apple.
It goes a lot deeper than just a random bout of bad self-esteem, but I'm not getting into it on a blog that anyone can see, because it come back to bite me in the ass and potentially humiliate me greatly.
But yeah.
Basically I'm unhappy with my gross-ocity. Trying to fix that.

Oh but it goes so much deeper...


~J*~

Partayy in the Hiz-ousseeeee

So my friend Kara celebrated her sixteenth birthday tonight. I'll start off by saying her house is absolutely ENORMOUS. Iloveit.

But tonight was one of the best of my life. Aside from a few self confidence issues, it was amazing. There were like, twenty people there. Half of us danced for quite a while - including my lesbian friend Rosie, her man candy Jonathan, the birthday girl herself - Kara - her friend Erika, and my friend Mae. Yeahh it was fun. Freakdancing with girls when you're gay is like... not as awkward as you'd think :P

I KISSED A GIRL.
AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

Hahaha.
I don't think she liked it either. It was Rosie, and since she's a lesbian... so yeahhh.

And then we all played truth or dare. We all meaning me, Kara, Mae, Rosie, Jonathan, this guy Michael, and Erika. Kara got dared first to give Jonathan a lapdance and he's quite attractive so yeah :P That was interesting. Then she asked me if I'd do Jonathan and I said yes XD Then I dared Mae to french kiss Kara. I must say, that was hot :P Then Mae dared Michael to do something... it wasn't that exciting. Then Michael dared Jonathan to either:
A) Shake his crotch (wearing only boxers) in Rosie's face or
B) Make his best orgasm sound.
He picked the second one, but he was really shy, so Mae was like "someone should do it first... Joey?" So I did and everyone died laughing. Then someone bent his fingers back because apparently, whatever noise you make when someone bends your fingers back is your sex sound, and it was like "Ouch!" Haha.
Then he asked Erika if she looked at porn and she said yeah, but she doesn't really get to, because her parents are always home XD.
Then she asked me if I ever had sex with a boy and I said no and she asked if I knew how and I was all "UM YES?!" ahhahaha.
Then I dared Rosie to flash everyone, but granted her permission to keep her bra on :P
And then everyone started to leave =[
BUT IT WAS FUN!!

~J*~

I Want to Kill Writer's Block in the Face

I'm currently writing two things. One is the third part of a series similar to the Anita Blake series - if you've been reading this blog, I'm sure you're familiar by now - and a romance/drama story about two young lovers, Kale and Theo.
And, for the longest time, I've had the worst writer's block in the history of mankind.
Remember how I had that writer's block a while back? I'm not sure it ever really went away. I was in a writing frenzy last night, but I was backing myself into a corner with the story and it would turn into a dead-end. So just before I started writing this blog, I was writing the first of the two stories I just mentioned. I got maybe two pages done.
HELP.
I don't know how.
Any tricks - other than listening to music - to cure writer's block that you know of?
I have an outline for the Anita Blake-ish book, so I know what I wanna do, where I wanna go, but I just can't seem to get from point A to point B.
I think I'm screwed for the time being :[

~J*~

Better.

Everything's better.
No details provided, other than a lengthy conversation and millions of truths...
But everything's better.
I feel whole again.

~J*~

Twenty Four Hours.

Does posting a blog almost every day make me a sort-of, unofficial member of NaBloPoMo?

Whatever.

I've been lying to myself for the past... twenty four hours, almost exactly. I keep telling myself that I don't care that I haven't talked to my best friend. I keep telling myself I'm not bothered by this. But I am. I feel like a giant part of me has been cut away. I woke up dreading today. I didn't know what I would do. A shared bus stop; how to prevent awkwardness?
By hiding around the corner, of course, and walking right by her as if she didn't exist.
I know I chose this, and I'm not un-choosing it. I'm not saying I have any regrets, because I don't. I just... that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
During a fight, twenty four hours is the longest we have gone without talking. On average, it's about.... six or seven hours?
All the same. She broke a promise to me not once, not twice, but three times, and the last time was just the cigarette that broke the "Camel"'s back. (Ciggie pun, haw haw haw.) She lied to me two years ago and almost killed a friendship with someone - a friendship that was damned anyway, but the fact is she did something stupid and lied to me about it.
She is a hypocrite.
She can say whatever she wants to me and get away with it, but if I say something similar to her, all hell breaks loose.

The fights usually get resolved in the same manner. An emotional phone call, followed by a pity party on her end, usually involving the phrase, "I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a bitch." Constant poor-pitiful-me, which really doesn't help anything. It just makes everyone involved feel worse.

All the same.

She hasn't called yet.
And I'm not calling.

~J*~

So Is That It, Then?

Avril Lavigne - Too Much To Ask



It's the first time I've ever felt this lonely,
Wish someone cure this pain
It's funny when you think it's gonna work out
Till you chose weed over me you're so lame

I thought you were cool until the point,
Up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would
Finally figured out you're all the same,
Always coming up with some kind of story

Every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't your too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

Thought you'd come around when I ignored you,
Sorta thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe I guess you didn't take that warning,
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You stand like a stone,
Alone in your zone
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

Yeah-eya yeah-eya

Can't find where I am, lying here alone in fear,
Afraid of the dark, no one to claim alone again

YEAH-EYA EYA EYA

Can't you see that you lie to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror,
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

Every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't your too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I asked him for

~~~~~~

Replace "weed" with "nicotine" and you get where I'm at right now.

Today, I was walking with my best friend, who made a promise to me that she would quit smoking. She had been good for about a month. She smoked yesterday, and I didn't mind. Everyone slips up once in a while. But today... she knew full I had expected yesterday to be her last. I asked her today if she was going to put the cigs down. She said no. I told her she made a promise to me and she proceeded with her normal spiel about being a liar and a cheater and a bitch. I walked away and ended up waiting for her to see if she'd really do it. As she walked towards me, she lit up. I told her:
"I guess we know where your loyalties lie - nicotine over friendship."
I don't know when she'll try to apologize, but she always does.
Thing is:
How do I know she'll mean it this time?
How do I know I can trust her anymore?
I never had too much of a problem with trusting her before, even though she's lied to me before.
But this is different....

~J*~

Stupid people. Have you not a clue the definition of love?

As I referenced yesterday, Proposition Eight was passed in California. I found out today, in my school's Gay-Straight Alliance, that two other states - Florida and, I believe, Alabama - passed similar bans on same-sex marriage. This is not fair. At all. How can you just say no to two people that love each other, even if they are the same gender? It's no different than not allowing bi-racial couples to marry several decades ago. Moreover... well, let me get into a related story first.
I got on the bus today. Now, before I continue, I'd like to say that the school I attend is very liberal - almost every classroom has a poster that says "This room is a safe haven for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and straight students." I got on the bus and took my seat as a girl a seat over from me is ranting to her friends about gay marriage and how someone got mad at her for being against it. Now, I do not mind that she has her own opinion.
However.
I do mind the fact that she quoted her mother as saying "Love the sinner, not the sin." Being gay is a sin? Really? The way you are born is a sin? You can change your sexual orientation as much as you can change your skin color. Do you think I like being called faggot, and having to deal with ignorant people? No. I do not enjoy that, and if I had a choice, I would not be blogging right now. I'd be in my room with a girl, virginity long gone. So no, it's not a choice, as much as it's your choice of who you fall in love with.
I cannot stand ignorant people.
The Bible is not completely right.
I'm not anti-Christian.
But the Good Book is not 100% right.
I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but... well, that's my belief, and I'm sticking to it.

~J*~

Obama. Yes. Obama.

I'm not trying to rub anything in anyone's face. People were doing that all day, and it pissed me off. One of my classmates got in a fight with her best friend because of her lack of support for Obama. One of my classmates was rubbing the fact Obama won in a McCain supporter's face.
I do not want to do that.
But I do want to say how incredibly happy I am Barack Obama is the forty-fourth Commander-in-Chief. A so-called socialist, I'm not sure if I believe there is a such thing as "too liberal." If there is, the Obama certainly is at that extreme.
I'm a hardcore liberal, so quite frankly, it doesn't bother me that much, because we do not have another Republican in office.

I am not happy, though.

Proposition Eight was passed in California. This ban against gay marriage is total hypocrisy to the recent passage of same-sex wedding rights. However, with such a liberal coming into office in two months, I hope that he can override this resurrection of discrimination; the discrimination no different than the discrimination seventy years ago, against African Americans.
It's in Barack Obama's hands now.
We can only hope equality is established under Obama's reign.
And we can only hope we'll be leaving Iraq.
We can only hope for taxing equality.
We can only hope.

~J*~

One of the Best Nights of My Life

Words cannot describe the utter fabulousity of last night. Like, for rizzle. So let's try to with as much detail as possible. So much, it shall be sickening, and you will probably stop reading this 1/4 of the way through :D

So my dad picked me and Abby up and took us over to Sam's, where we were greeted by her and Megan in her wonderful Mrs. Lovett costume. Sarah came downstairs eventually in full Alice In Wonderland get-up; ADORABLE!! Eventually, Jayson and Becca came over, Becca as a... herself.... and Jayson wearing eyeshadow and a dab of fake blood. Eventually, we all went out. Everyone was going door-to-door, so I got caught up in the trick-or-treating madness. We scared old people, kids, and teenagers. Chasing after two teenage girls in a blood-spattered mask with a rubber knife is fun =D
So we were trick-or-treating and we went to the park for a quick intermission. Abby challenged all of us to scare her to the point that she screams. She then proceeded to lay down on a table in the park as I pole danced and Jayson and Becca swung and Sam talked to them and Megan and Sarah talked on the bench. So I walked over to Abby and stood by her until she opened her eyes and almost screamed because I scared her. Then Jayson jumped on the table and she SHRIEKED. Then we all started screaming and passers-by were getting freaked out. Then we went back to going trick-or-treating and Abby started in with her English accent, which got Jayson doing his, which got Jayson and myself started on quoting Lily Allen - "Knock Em Out" in particular.
We went back to the park and resumed the same activities. On the way back to Sam's, Jayson and Becca went home.

(Oh my God, Sam has so many lesbians in her neighborhood!!)

So we got back to Sam's and all traded candiez and took pictures (which I'm uploading to Facebook now, as I type this) and laughed hysterically. Soon thereafter, Abby left, and we all proceeded to beat each other up and laugh and yeah.

It was just the climax of fun-ness.

Hehe.

Climax.

~J*~

Eff You, Non-Scary Costumes

I honestly don't get it.

Since when did it become okay to wear costumes like Peter Pan or some sort of fairy on Halloween? Honestly? The tradition is to wear something scary to blend in with the souls from the underworld that may be milling about (courtesy my history teacher, Mr. Cain). Something tells me these cute little bumble bees and butterflies don't have much to do with the ways of Hades.

Tsk tsk.

Parents, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for letting your child dress up as Harry Potter and go from door to door. At least the Cullens are VAMPIRES, which are SLIGHTLY REMOTELY SCARY. You grew up in the 70s and 80s and whenever else... that was when Halloween was still scarier than it is now. That was when tradition was still intact.

But no.

It all went to Hell.

Pun only slightly intended.

BFF main girl Abby (as Clever Girl Tia would say) is going as a vampire, with a look that is inspired by Twilight, and slightly reminiscent of 30 Days of night, what with the bloody chin and chest and loads of cleavage... which is actually more Twilight-y.
BFF main "pet lesbian" (not really a lesbian) Sam is... well, I don't know.
Megan, another dear friend of mine that I love more than a gay boy should love a female with female parts, is going as Mrs. Lovett. Hurrah for Sweeny Todd!!!
And I, myself, am going as... something.... with a blank-faced mask... and rubber knife.
MWHAHAHAHAHA!!
Sort of The Strangers meets Scream in a Michael Myers sort of way.
Kay?
Kay.

But yeah. We're probably gonna chill at Sam's, then run around her neighborhood like douchebags for a couple hours. Stairwell Buddies (I'll explain later) Jayson and Becca might be joining us, along with their lesbian lover, Rosie, an AP Psychology class mate of mine. She dressed as something truly scary today - A GIRL!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

But yeah.

Well I guess TTFN, and TTYL.
<3

~J*~

Politics Should Not Be Blogged About... BUT!

You know what really pisses me off? When younger kids say they want so-and-so president to win, when they're only going on what their parents are saying. If they don't watch the news and know what's going on in the world, they should not be stating their opinions. Because I guarantee you, all these preppy freshmen are saying they want McCain to win because their parents want McCain to win, because they're rich and McCain is lowering taxes YET AGAIN on the upper-class and raising them on us middle-class and lower-class folk. My freshman friend's rationale was "if the rich are taxed less, they can pay the poor."
Sorry to tell you, Hayley, but that's not how it works.
Money isn't tossed out of limos by the filthy rich at the peasents begging on the streets, searching for scraps of food. No, us middle class folk - well, our parents in some cases - have to work for the money. The rich people don't just throw the money at us. It doesn't work that way.
Taxes, the war, and the economy in general. Those are the three big topics right now. I know Obama can help with the taxes, and the economy - I've skimmed his plan. HOWEVER, I don't think he's the best commander in chief. I don't think he'd get us out of Iraq in the right manner, and that's what scares me. But it beats the hell out of losing money faster and faster thanks to McCain.
My best friend's father says he's having qualms about Obama because then, when he wins, black people will be walking around like they're all high and mighty.
Not only is this insanely IGNORANT, but untrue. Obama wants equality. Period. And what does it matter if black people are walking around all high and mighty? Have they not got the shorter end of the stick for the past couple centuries? I'm not saying white people or hispanics or anyone DESERVE the shorter end of the stick, but still... I don't know, I'm kind of rambling.
Abortion is a very big topic for me. I do not like abortion. At all. However, I understand in some cases, it needs to be done. Yes, girls should be able to keep their legs closed, and boys should be able to keep it in their pants, but Goddamnit, if a teenager gets pregnant, and she was practicing safe sex in the first place... well, you gotta do what you gotta do. And it fucking sucks. But that's how it goes.
BUT.
I do NOT think abortion should be used as a form of birth control. You fuck, you forget some sort of contraceptive, and you get pregnant. No. You should've been responsible.

I'm going to get spiritual for a second. If you don't believe in God, or some sort of soul/life-force that animates us all, feel free to skip this section.

I believe that when a baby is killed in the womb, that that baby's "soul," or whatever you want to call it, becomes another soon-to-be baby. God would not let a young soul not have a chance on this earth.

[/religion]

Okay.
I think that's it.
Let the hate comments begin.

OBAMA FTW.

~J*~

So where was I...?

Ah, yes. Job applications.

This will be my first job, and I have three applications to turn in. I'm nervous; I really want a job, but I'm scared I won't be good at it. Hell, I'm scared I won't be hired. The three possibilities are:

1) Ace Hardware
2) Starbucks
3) Cheeburger Cheeburgers - a local burger restaurant

I'm fond of lists tonight.

I've used a total of 4000something texts this month because I'm that much of a loser. I actually got caught texting in class for the first time on like, Wednesday. I was texting someone that was in the same class, but was sitting seats away, and the teacher was talking. He just walked over and held out his hand. I was like "ugh" and gave the phone to him. What made matters worse was this 1-800 number that keeps calling me to tell me that I "owe payments on my vehicle" - a vehicle that I don't even have - decided to call as the phone was in his pocket. It took a minute for the original, Japanese One Missed Call ringtone to register, and I was horrified. Gah.

I had more to talk about. Damnit. Oh well.

I'll try to get on!! Pray for connections as good as these!!

~J*~

OH MY GOD HAHAHAH!! That Totally Made My Life

Well, it didn't REALLY make my life. It's one of the few things that made my life, let's put it like that. Well, not FEW things, but.... Okay, I"m going to stop rambling. The only reason I'm rambling is because I've been without blogging for a week now and I feel like the words have been bottled up inside me, threatening to explode into nothingness. What I really need to do is write one of my two stories.

Anygay.

What made my life, you ask?

You know my last blog, how I was ranting and raving about Comcast?

A COMCAST REPRESENTATIVE EFFING COMMENTED!! AHAHAHAHAH!! Go check it out if you don't believe me. But yeah. So I've been without Internet for a week. Comcast was supposed to come yesterday. Good thing my mom called and found out they weren't coming. The chick she talked to was a real bitch. I want to stab her in the face. Not really, but you get the idea. So we cancelled Comcast internet and they sent a rep out here today to pick up the modems and shit. So I'm riding a low connection right now, but it's better than no connection at all :D We're getting Verizon. Again. Eventually.

My aunt finally sent me a birthday present. Verrrryyyyy late. It's a $25 iTunes gift card. Figures, I find out I can actually USE the internet, and I don't remember the stuff I wanted. Blah.

I'm sure I'll have more to post tomorrow. I get the opportunity and I forget what I wanna say... Oh well!!

OOOOOHHHH!!!!

So I logged on Facebook half an hour ago and found I had an inbox message from a writer at the school paper saying she wanted to interview me, because she's doing an article about bloggers. I feel veryveryvery special =D

Okay I have more to talk about.

I've spent most of my $150 from my birthday. I also spent $20 more of my Old Navy gift card. So I have like, $60 left on that. But I spent the money on:

1)Halloween ((the remastered 30th anniversary... I think...))
2)The Strangers ((One of the like, three movies that creeped me out))
3)Sex and the City Movie ((I need to get the series))
4)The Mist ((Hahaha I made Sam watch it; she hated me because of the ending. Watch it to see for yourself))
5) 30 Days of Night ((One of the better vampire flicks I've seen in a while))
6) Anita Blake #10: Narcissus in Chains ((Still reading the ninth one, Obsidian Butterfly))
7) Betrayed ((The sequel to that book Marked. I don't like the writing that much, but I like the book... I can't explain it))
8)Anita Blake: The First Death ((Graphic novel; prequel to series))
9)Anita Blake: Guilty Pleasures - Volume One ((Graphic novel version of the first Anita Blake book... or at least part of it... is my obsession apparent yet?))
10) A blank-faced mask for Halloween ((It's creepy as hell if you ask me... but I don't know if it was worth nine dollars...))

And I got a realllllly comfy hoodie at Old Navy. Yeah. Hawtness.

I have three - count 'em, three - job applications to turn in... Gah. Okay. I'll post another part to this post, because my mom's harassing me for the computer. Kay.

~J*~

For Another Week - Or More - Internet, I Bid You Adieu

So you know how I said my Internet was acting up?
Wait...
Did I say that?
Well it has been for since we've had this new Internet. And the modem finally decide to say "eff the world, I'm going to shoot myself in the motherboard" and died. Suicide is bad, children.
Our Internet provider - the infamous Comcast - was supposed to come on Saturday to fix it. THEY NEVER EFFING DID. So I'm a bit livid. I am able to access the net from my dad's house, but seeing as I'm only over here every other weekend... I swear to god, if Comcast doesn't come next Saturday they will all be tortured to the point of death.
No. Effing. Joke.
Psychopath? Who, me?

So I will be without Blogger, Facebook, AIM, and MSN. Well, I have mobile AIM, but it's not the same... at least I have mobile Twitter, too... BUT STILL.
Ugh.
I feel so cut off from the world.
**proceeds to text everyone**

~J*~

When I Die, My Organs Shall Live On

Okay, so first of all... I know I have not been posting. And I'm sorry. Truly, I am. Please, find it in your hearts to forgive me.

If you don't, you're a homophobe.

Just kidding.

So yesterday, we didn't have school, so I hung out with Joey all day. No, not myself. My FRIEND Joey. The one I've known since I was six. Yeahhhh. That Joey. So yeah. That was fun.

I know you're wondering about the title. Well, if you're following me on Twitter, then you know that at about 11:50 this morning, I received my learner's permit after getting only two questions on the test wrong. You're only allowed to get three wrong, so needless to say, I was terrified. The signature on my permit would've been bad without the shaking hands, but since my hands WERE shaking terribly... it looked like I had a seizure while I wrote it. Not to mention my picture.

I shudder when I see it.

But yes. My organs will live on. Because I am an organ donor. Mwhahahah... I WILL BE IMMORTAL!!!!!

~J*~

Stupid Christianity

Just kidding.
But seriously. I wanted to hang out with one of two friends today and they're both going to be at church at the only available times I could hang out with them. UGHness. Why must you go to a building to worship?
Blah blah.
Not ranting about religion.
Just like... blarggghhhhh. I'm going to be at home by myself with nothing to do as my mom goes out to lunch/dinner with a friend and like, I wanted to go to Sam's, but she's going to church at like, 5:30. My mom's lunch thing is at 4:00. And then my friend Joey - no, I'm not friends with myself - isn't going to be home from church till 4:00, and my mom would have to leave here by 3:30 and it takes like, 5 minutes to get to Joey's house. I mean, I could walk there, but my mom doesn't want me walking on a highway. Even though I have before.
But she doesn't need to know that.
Shhhhh.
So, is it just me, or are you going to miss Clever Girl Tia as much as I am? She's going on vacation, and she might not be able to blog for a while. Depressing, right?
=[
My mom's watching Days of Our Lives, and I have nothing better to do. I mean, I should be finishing reading Duma Key* - fantabulous book, very creepy - so I can read these little R.L. Stine books that Abby gave me so I can read Obsidian Butterfly* - the ninth Anita Blake* novel.
I love Anita.
A bit too much.
More than a gay boy should love a woman.
xD
Okay I'm done rambling.
Buhbyez.

~J*~

* = spoiler warning. Can you tell I like linking things? :D

They Say Their Hearts Go Out To The Families of The Victims, But Do They Have Enough Heart Left?

When I catch the bus, I leave the house at around six. I get to Abby's building at about six-oh-five. She gets down stairs between six-ten and six-fifteen. When I left, I heard helicopters. Two of them. Low. Very, very close, circling, from the time I left to the time we were halfway to the bus stop. As I was sitting, Abby's dad came downstairs and he said he would check the radio and call Abby to tell her if he found anything out. So halfway to the bus stop - a third helicopter had shown up and landed - Abby's dad calls. He tells her there was a terrible, terrible wreck at an intersection about half a mile - or less - from where I live. I could see the lights as I walked up to my bus. The whole northbound side of the road was blocked at that intersection.

As I boarded the bus, which then proceeded through it's planned route, I was thinking about the accident. I was thinking about the people involved. There is no doubt in my mind that at least one person died in - what I have heard to be, but am not sure was -that three-car pile-up. Maybe I'm being morbid, but the odds are staggering.
Then today, in TV Production, our class was shown something made about four years ago. It was about a student at our school who had died in a car wreck. It was very moving, and I felt like crying.
These two things made me think. Outside of the family and friends, who really remembers these people? Or, at least, who takes a moment to remember who they might have been? It doesn't matter if you don't know them. They lost their life. True, they may have been a total asshole, but don't you think that still affects the people that care about them? The fact that they're gone, never to return?
And eventually, everyone just forgets. Everyone but the family and friends. And true, who can remember all the victims of these accidents and what not that happen every five seconds? But we have to realize some things.
Not only is life so incredibly short, but it's so incredibly valuable. Maybe not to ourselves, at some points, when we're not feeling so hot, but to others. We have to remember that those people matter. There are other people that matter, and they deserve to be remembered.
So every time you hear about an accident, a murder, a loss of life... take a moment.
Think.
Remember who they might have been.
Because they matter.

~J*~

Letting Go

I've been holding two particular grudges for a while. One since third grade. The other since ninth. I'll start with the one that came first.

In the third grade, a rumor was started that I was gay. Yes. Third grade. Seven-eight-nine-year-olds shouldn't understand homosexuality, and therefore should not be homophobic, but all hail America and parents not caring what their children watch or listen to. So from third grade through eighth, I was taunted for being a "faggot."

(Of course, I discovered that I was, in actuality, gay, in the ninth grade. But that's for another post, another day.)

And who started this rumor? Let's call her K.

Well, okay, I can't be 100% certain she started the rumor, but her and this other guy that doesn't amount to anything nowadays anyway were the first two who were actually saying this stuff to my face. In eighth grade, we got to choose our high school. There were three possibilities. I chose the more artsy of the three, and only thirty-three kids in my class went to that school. And guess who one of those kids was?
K.
She basically left me alone, but she still talked about me to people in her "circle," especially if I was around. I was tired of it. Eventually - a couple times, as a matter of fact - I went off on her. She didn't get the hint. Eventually, a sweet girl that is/was a friend of K's - I'll call her E - intervened. She basically told both of us to get over ourselves.
Well, needless to say, I still haven't.
That is, until last night.
Sam texted me. Last year, she was failed by her English teacher, and she was mad at him. Last night, in her text, she told me she was tired of holding this grudge against him for something totally out of his control. This got me to thinking. Thinking about how stupid it is to hold a grudge against someone who has nothing better to do than pick on someone because she herself feels/felt like shit. Whatever. I'm over it. I don't like her, but I'm not going to talk about her behind her back. No more gossip about her. None of that. She'll just be another person in the hallway, of no relevence to my life. I'm growing up. I'm over it.

Joining her as another just-a-face-in-the-hallway is a girl I'll call H. I have had problems with this girl since the ninth grade. She dated a friend of mine and then broke her heart - twice, if memory serves. In addition to breaking my friend's heart, she is one of the biggest attention prostitutes I have ever met. She claims to have seen the 9/11 and Virginia Tech incidents in her dreams the night before each had happened. Now, I'm not denying the existence of clairvoyance, but the way she went about it screamed "I want attention." This is not the only instance, but seeing as I no longer want to gossip about this person, that is the only instance I will give.
Anygay, for the longest time, I have talked about this girl behind her back. I've done things in attempts to make her feel like shit, and looking back, I'm not very proud of it. So while I'll never like H, I'm no longer going to gossip about her. She's just someone I don't know, someone of no relevence to me.
I'm done.

~J*~

Omgomgomg!!

Yay.
Unlimited texting.
I can get Twitter and AIM from my phone.
And text like shit.
YAYYY!
That is all.

~J*~

Here's To The Nights We Felt Alive

So the song the title of this blog post belongs to makes me cry, and now I want to listen to the song, but I'm too lazy to find it on YouTube.
The reason behind the title, however, makes me smile. Last night - well, really, afternoon into night - I hung out with Sam and Megan at Sam's house. We were there for like, six hours, and it was the best I've felt all week. As stated in my last post, this whole past week I've been in a complex bad mood. But last night just made everything seem so insignificant. I'm stressed out by school, but friends make it better. I know education is more important than socializing... but friends just make me feel better. I don't know how to explain it, really.
To most, last afternoon/night would seem relatively uneventful. Megan didnt' show up til about an hour later, and then we all just kinda watched TV for a while. Then Sam's mom left for a football game and we all had to keep an eye on Sam's five year old sister. We went into the kitchen and made dinner and danced to rap music. If any hood people had walked by, we would've gotten shot. I was droppin down real low, dancin like a ho, fagalicious, all that Fergie nonsense. But yeah. Then we went up to Sam's room and the two girlygirls drew on themselves with eyeliner and we took pictures with only Sam's blacklight on. Haha it was amazing.
So yeah. I've been in a decent mood all day today, and I'm hoping it'll carry through this week. I'm tired of being all mad-at-the-world-ish. And I'm tired of not being able to write my book. It's the third in this series. I have ideas. I just don't know how to get from point A to point B right now. I have a feeling once I get like, a page done, I'll be able to keep going. I don't know why it's so hard right now, but I'll get through it. I'm gonna stick my jump drive in as soon as I'm done posting this and pray for words to come to me.
Maybe I'll shower first...

~J*~

Playlist - "Save My Life"

Last night, I made a playlist on iTunes called "Save My Life." It consists of All Time Low, Katy Perry, Lily Allen, My Chemical Romance, and Paramore. That is my favorite music. I could live off of those bands/people, and for the past almost twenty-four hours, I have been.
Last night, I was thinking. I was in just such a horrible mood, and I'm not quite sure why. I have been all week, really. It's sort of an angry, depressed mood. I can't quite describe it, as I can't quite describe what happened last night.

As I said, I was thinking. It was about 9:30; a very unusual time for me to be in bed, lights out, not on the phone. I had moved the iPod Bose docking station into my bedroom - unbeknownst to mother dearest - and played my new Playlist on shuffle. So I lay in the dark, and slowly, the songs began to meld together. I wasn't quite falling asleep yet. I was sort of in a trance state. I remembered I had to put the dogs out to go to the bathroom and as I got up, I caught sight of... let's say an object that would've helped me do something very bad. And as I was reaching for this object, a certain song came on.
"Absolutely Nothing" by Lily Allen.
I don't know what it was about the song, but the words and music just washed over me, and I put the dogs out, and sat back down on my bed, just listening, eyes closed. I don't know what it was. It wasn't the words in particular, it was just... some element of the song made me feel overwhelmed, but it wasn't bad. I just sat down and just... I don't know. I can't explain it. I let the dogs back in and lay down. Sam called me at ten, asked if it was a bad time. I told her sort of, and that I would talk to her the next day.
I don't know how to explain the feeling I got. I'm having serious mood swings lately, and I don't know if it's hormones or if I need to see a therapist. If so, we really don't have the money for that. So I'm kind of in a fustercluck there.
I don't know how to explain the feelings I have now, either. I've had the worst writer's block for the past three weeks or so, and it's starting to take its toll. I think that's part of the reason my moods are so fucked up. Or maybe my moods are so fucked up because of the writer's block. Maybe they're both affecting each other. In any case, it's so irritating and it's just been... yeah. I dunno.
[/vent]

~J*~

PS: I need thoughts for my advice blog. Help?

Today Was Fantastic... Until...

So today was the epitome of amazing. That's saying something, since it's a school day. We went to DC for a theater field trip. We saw Romeo and Juliet performed live. The guy that played Romeo was so fucking gorgeous. And my theater teacher thinks he's GHEY. Which is pretty fantastic ;) I shall find him and do naughty things to him.
It was an all-male cast, so people lost it when Romeo and Juliet kissed. I got mad, but whatever. Ignorant people are so not worth my time. I think Romeo and Juliet are together in real life.
I met Jake there. Jake is my Internet friend of over a year and I met him for the first time today. He's amazing. I loofah him.
So I missed school for an AMAZING show, cast led by an AMAZINGLY HOT guy. Why is the word "until" in the title then?

I have no idea. Just a random bad mood. It kind of started when I decided to tell my ex boyfriend that I was hoping he'd use me as a rebound when his now-ex-girlfriend broke up with him. He said he was sorry and I'm like "for what?" Anyway, I managed to get the subject changed. But since said ex-girlfriend is my best friend, I had to tell her, and I told her how I didn't have feelings for him; I just wanted a relationship. She decides to tell me this is pathetic, as if I don't fucking know that already. Rub it in my face, why don't you?
But my anger at her is totally irrational. I've just been pissed at the world lately.
Blah.
[/whining]

~J*~

Give Me Booze and Heavy Sedatives

I had a 78 question study guide for my AP Psychology class due tomorrow. I just did almost all of it. Only almost because I did 12 questions last night, and I skipped some today. Holy shit, that thing inside my head say ouch from thinking about itself. Seriously, this whole "people with split-brains" thing confused the HELL out of me. Like, oh my god(dess). It hurts. The thing inside my head say rub me with fingers to make me go ahh that feel good.
I done now.
Goodbai.

~J*~

Sixteen Starts of Sweet

Oh my God(dess), today was the most fabulousest I've had in a whiiiiile. Don Pablos must HATE us, but not as much as I hate them. My mom decided to tell the waiter that it was my birthday - and then she proceeded to tell the waiter that Abby's birthday was on Wednesday. So while we got a free plate of eight sopapillas (oh Jesus they were a mouthgasm), the waiter proceeded to yell:
"ATTENTION DON PABLOS! WE HAVE TWO BIRTHDAYS TO CELEBRATE TODAY! JOEY IS TURNING SIXTEEN, AND ABBY IS TURNING SEVENTEEN! SO ON THE COUNT OF THREE, WISH THEM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! UNO! DOS! TRES!"
Then the entire restaurant:
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
This was after the waiter asked me if I embarassed easily. Bastard.
He looked like a serial killer anyway.

So we scared the shit out of the Don Pablos patrons. But before that, we sat in the car and annoyed not only my mother, but people on the road by recording them with the camcorder. But mostly, we recorded each other. The videos will be up on YouTube within the week, hopefully. I have a whole, 72 question AP Psychology study guide to do by Monday, so if you don't hear from me by like, Monday afternoon, one of two things have happened:
a) My brain exploded
b) I made it explode with a .45

After Don Pablos, we all went to Abby's place and were loud enough to annoy her mother and father. But we played cards with her dad and laughed so hard we were choking like shyyyt. God, it was fantastic. Prior to the card games, we went out into the pouring rain and ran around and hung out under an overhang like sketchballs. Some ex-druggie asked us if we were doing drugs.

Then after that we came back to my place for cake. I only ate one real meal today. The stuff at Don Pablos. Then I had cookies, chips and dip, and cake. I think my stomach is mad at me, but as long as it doesn't hurt, I'm happy. So we came back here and Joey's mom and dad and little sister hung out for a bit and it was kinda awkward. But fun. So yeah. Fun stuff man. Then Joey left and it was just me, Sam, and Abby, and it was quiet, but it was still nice just hanging out.

It sounds boring, but it really wasn't. OH and my mom thought I called Abby a skank hole. I definitely said something that started with an "s-k," but I don't remember what it was. But it sounded like skank hole, so we have a new inside joke =D

Haha.

I'll post a blog with the link to the videos when I upload them, but no one but us will think they're funny. That's okay, though :p

I don't need a big party. I just need the besties.
Wow I'm corny.

~J*~

OhMyGodYayI'mSoHappy. We Only ALMOST Suck Completely!

Okay, so the only part of the game I realllllly paid attention to was the like, 30something - 40 yard touchdown this one guy made that was fantabulous.
Our school won 19 to 6. It's funny, because this game would've determined who was the worst school in the county - us, or the opposing team. And we won.
Thank God.
So anyway, most of my time was spent being abused - and abusing - Sam, raping Ashley, and making people think I was in a relationship with Abby. It was teeeee-rrific. Best night for a while. I got soaked to the core because it was like, torrentially raining.
Okay, not really. But when you're standing in the rain for like, two hours, you tend to get drenched.

But seriously, tastes of social life are amazing. Tonight was fabulous and made my pre-birth day all the better. Just.. yeah =D
I'm happy.

~J*~

Chelsea Lately is a Wonderful Source for Gossip

Homophobes are disgusting. Like, seriously. I love Chelsea Handler, because she's so pro-gay. But these people are whining about Clay Aiken coming out. One lady was quoted as saying "I can never listen to [Clay] singing 'Oh Holy Night' again, because I know he desiries unholy nights."
And Chelsea just went off and I love her for it.
I'm watching this Chelsea Lately now, and they're at the round table. They were talking about "The Hills," and this guy goes "Hey, MTV, how about some music!" And I cheered, as well as everyone in the audience =D

So that wasn't really gossip, but I just wanted to say it.

I'm so excited for the homecoming game tonight. I get to see Ashley, and hang out with Sam. Ish going to be funz. I have nothing to blog about right now. Haha. So I'll blog later about the game!!! Maybe....

~J*~

Could This Week BE Any Longer?!

Ugh. I want it to be Friday evening already.

Homecoming game is on Friday evening. I'm not a HUGE football fan, but I don't mind a good game. Of course this won't be a good game. The opposing team hasn't one in about 18 seasons, and we'll probably STILL get our asses kicked, because:
a) Coach Nazzaro is a dumbfuck
b) Half the team has quit because of "A"

So yeah. But that's not why I'm going. Mostly, I'm going to see Ashley, my friend/mentor that graduated last year. I miss her so much, and I can't WAIT to see her. She is made of 100% fabulous. The intense fabulous-ity radiating from her pores is enough to scald in white-hot waves of fabulousness.
Yeah.
I make sense.
And what?!
So I get to see her and Sam and yeah. It shall be fun.

Then Saturday is my birthday. I'm hanging out with Abby and Joey (maybe; he hasn't asked his parents yet...) and Sam. Superexcited much? Yes. I am. =D I won't be getting my present from my mom - a guitar - til around Christmas time, but I dont' really care, because I've been dying for a new guitar, and that's all she's getting me, and thats' all I want.
Although, I'm really mad at her right now, because she just made the whole thing with the Homecoming Game situation wayyy more complicated and dramatic than it has to be. She was bitching because I asked Ashley if her mom could give me a ride home, when my mom asked me to ask Sam's mom, because she doesn't know Ashley, and blah blah... So, basically, after getting unneccessarily pissed at me, she goes "I'll just give you a fucking ride home, Jesus Christ." So yeah. At least I'm going....
Blah.



I'd like to take this opportunity to have a moment of "silence" for Hubert Stockhausen, grandfather of my good friend Megan. I know it's hard to do on the Internet, but... just some reverence is all I ask of you.
He passed away this morning of an illness that I'm not quite sure about, so I won't give false facts. From what Megan told me, he was a wonderful man, and he will be severely missed by everyone that loved him - including the people that didn't even know him, like myself. But he is in a better place now, free of suffering, watching over his family lovingly.
Rest in peace.


~J*~

GAY Aiken.

So at about 5:45 this morning, after I got dressed and everything, I sat down on my couch and completed my usual morning routine with the previous night's Chelsea Lately. Sadly, this morning lacked a cup of coffee, because we had no cream or milk.
I know.
That's like, sacriligious.
So I'm settling in and Chelsea Handler - one of the two female celebrity loves of my life - is hosting her usual round table. This particular round table consisted of Loni Love - who I, well, love - some guy, and then a gay guy. They're dishing about the usual celebrity gossip, and then Clay Aiken is mentioned. I begin thinking that it has something to do with the surrogacy he assisted with a while back.

Could I have been more wrong?

Clay Aiken finally came out as a H O M O S E X U A L. Yes. FINALLY! Everyone knew. And if you didn't know, then you deserve to be slapped and then hidden under a rock where you've probably been living since the second season of American Idol.
Chelsea showed the front of this week's issue of People magazine - a picture of Clay Aiken with the more matured form of his sperm donation, with the big yellow letters:

YES,
I'M
GAY!

Jesus. I can just see him sitting there screaming, "YES, I'M A FUCKING FAGGOT! AM I REALLLLY GOING TO BE TORTURED INTO SAYING IT?!"
Sorry, Clay.
Apparently so.
But it's okay, because you're fabulous and a cutie patootie to boot.
=D

~J*~

Blockage of the Writer's Prostate

Ew.
That's a gross title.
But for shizzle, I can't think of ANY topics for my advice blog. Any suggestions? :[
Bah. I have two stories to work on and I don't know if I'll be able to. I'm scared to open them for some reason XD
Gossip Girl's on tonight. Me and hannah1721 still haven't got our collab up XP which sucks... but meh.
Gah, even Katy Perry isn't helping with my blogger's block. Mothereffer.
Help????
:[

~J*~

Wow. I'm So Relieved. And Stupid.

Remember how I was asking advice on this whole friend telling me not to talk to this guy thing?
Yeah.
Ignore it.
It was a huge misunderstanding.
Said friend just had a problem with my reaction, and it's understandable why.
So just ignore it.
So I'm so fucking happy and relieved right now.
=D

~J*~

Wewt @ Today

Today wasn't the disaster I was - for some reason - expecting it to be. As a matter of fact, it was kind of fabulous.

It really wasn't anything special. Family came over. My grandma, her husband that I am ashamed to call my step-grandfather - may his racist, bigoted ass burn in hell within the next ten years - my aunt, uncle, and their two kids, age nine and six. They're so much fun, for little kids. Haha. They keep me healthy when I see them.
I'm about to fucking explode. I ate way too much. Two hotdogs, like, ten pieces of Ledos Pizza -for those of you that don't know what that is (I think it's just a Maryland pizza chain, but I'm not sure) it's small square pieces of pizza. So good. I used to hate it. So I had like, ten plus pieces of that - probably about the equivalent of five "regular" pieces. I had one lemon square - my grandma made them; SO FUCKING GOOD!!! I had a (big) piece of pumpkin crisp. Grandma made that, too. Then finally, the Turtle bars. Those, along with the lemon bars, are a mouthgasm. Sadly, I only got one. I was just too full.
And I guarantee you the three pounds I found out I lost last night came back with reinforcements today.

I played N-64 with my cousins, because I'm so old school. No, I just don't have a Wii yet. Then kicked around a soccer ball.
"What!!?!?! Joey?!?! Sports?!"
Shut up.
Yes.

And now the part you're waiting for: the presents.
For someone who didn't have a real birthday list, I got fucking fabulous gifts.
Kim - $100 Old Navy gift card. I buy all my jeans there, and they have some hot shirts and hoodies. So it's pretty amazing. Oh, and Kim is my dad's wife. I don't care for her. =D
Aunt & Uncle - Best Buy gift card for an un-determined amount. I'm guessing anywhere between $30 and $50. Maybe.
Grandma (and her husband, although I think he just had her put his name on the card)- $150. Cash.
And finally. To quote Katy Perry; "the cherry on top, the pick of the pack, the creme de la crop:"
Dad - Driving lessons for when I get my permit.
Holy shit, right?
Yeah.
So I'm pretty hyped right now.
Even though I feel like I'm about to fucking vomit.
=D

<3

~J*~

Dragon Fruit. It's Like Me. Except I'm Not a Dragon.

As I sit here drinking Dragon fruit flavored Vitamin Water, I contemplate my blog post of last night. Post-pity-party, I feel ashamed of myself for being so whiny and seeking attention from anyone that will listen. So - aside from the question I asked about my friend the the boy she won't let me talk to - disregard my post from last night.
I want to thank my friend Sam (not the pet "lesbian;" this other guy) for putting up with my bullshit. Whenever I have a pity party, I always talk to him. If he's on AIM. But he tries so hard to make me feel better, and that shows how much he cares, and I love him for it. He tells me all these beautiful things, and I can never thank him enough for that.
Sam, you're perfect. You have no idea how lucky Charmaine is to have you.
<3

Moving on.

My little family get-together thing is today. Father's life partner aka wife took a mysterious trip to the grocery store, even though we just went last night.
Hm.
I wonder what she could be getting.
I wonder if it starts with a "b" and ends with an "irthday cake."
But I've been wrong about these things before. So so so wrong. For all I know, it has nada to do with me. I'm just selfish and think the universe revolves around me and I hold it all together.
Correct me if I'm wrong in thinking that?
Because, you know... I am fabulous.
I don't need no man.
...
I just did last night.
>_>
my bed felt superempty :[
BUT I SHALL FIND SOMEONE!!
Or you, reader, could hook me up with a gay friend o' yours. But I'm picky (aka shallow) so it might be difficult.
Aiight.
[/rambling]

~J*~

This is One Party You Don't Bring Brightly-Colored Balloons To...

It's 11:06 PM on Friday, September 19th. I've been moping about not having a boyfriend for about two hours now, give or take. It's pretty pathetic. I get like this once every two or three weeks and I IM people and get attention and compliments and lectures and blah blah blah...
Blah.
Blah blah.
It's all so stupid. Because like... I don't know. I'm lonely. I want someone so bad. And I'm restricted from talking to someone - who lives states away anyway - by a friend, and the upset I felt at that is starting to bubble back up.
Heh, the advice-giver needs advice.
Should I talk to the guy and risk losing a friend, or should I just fuck it all and keep pretending like I don't care?
I've been whining to people since this stupid little pity party started. "I'm a pathetic little faggot wah wah wah." It's gross, and that, in and of itself, makes me pathetic. I just want to be happy and, call me codependent, but sometimes I feel like I need a guy to be happy. That whole "love yourself before you can love anyone else" is total bullshit. Sometimes, people need love from someone else to love themselves in the first place. And it's not so good, but people can't really help how they feel, deep down in their core.
So I sit here at 11:09 PM writing a blog and possibly losing a friend by mentioning them in the process. But really, who are they to decide who I talk to?
Since when do they own people?
Why should I care what they tell me to do?
Because I love them.
Shit.
I forgot about that little detail.
So I'm fucked. Like, seriously, this is the true definition of a clusterfuck. Of course, it wouldn't matter anyway, because the guy that I'm not allowed to talk to... well, nothing would end up happening, and I would've lost a friend for something.
But I can't help but wonder, what if...?

I have family coming over tomorrow for a week-prior birthday thing, as you know. I should be together enough by then to be all smiles and sunshine. These things usually come at night and when I sleep, I feel better the next morning. Maybe I'm just grumpy.
Maybe I'm with my pet "lesbian" in the ranks of the bipolar.
Who knows?
I need a fucking therapist.
I need to talk to Diana again.
(Diana = this life coach lady that I talked to over the phone and we really don't have the money right now.)
I feel like writing, but I don't know if I'd be able to. I'm so tired, and I need to shower something awful. I also need to start working out and losing weight, because I am totally unhappy with my figure - or, rather, lack thereof. No, I'm not saying I'm fat, but I'm like, 20 pounds over where I should be. At least.

Does anyone know how I can send a video to someone not through email so they can use it on their computer? I'm trying to do this collab video with hannah1721 and I can't get the goddamn video to her.
Ugh.
This week has just been fabulous.

~J*~