Letting Go

I've been holding two particular grudges for a while. One since third grade. The other since ninth. I'll start with the one that came first.

In the third grade, a rumor was started that I was gay. Yes. Third grade. Seven-eight-nine-year-olds shouldn't understand homosexuality, and therefore should not be homophobic, but all hail America and parents not caring what their children watch or listen to. So from third grade through eighth, I was taunted for being a "faggot."

(Of course, I discovered that I was, in actuality, gay, in the ninth grade. But that's for another post, another day.)

And who started this rumor? Let's call her K.

Well, okay, I can't be 100% certain she started the rumor, but her and this other guy that doesn't amount to anything nowadays anyway were the first two who were actually saying this stuff to my face. In eighth grade, we got to choose our high school. There were three possibilities. I chose the more artsy of the three, and only thirty-three kids in my class went to that school. And guess who one of those kids was?
K.
She basically left me alone, but she still talked about me to people in her "circle," especially if I was around. I was tired of it. Eventually - a couple times, as a matter of fact - I went off on her. She didn't get the hint. Eventually, a sweet girl that is/was a friend of K's - I'll call her E - intervened. She basically told both of us to get over ourselves.
Well, needless to say, I still haven't.
That is, until last night.
Sam texted me. Last year, she was failed by her English teacher, and she was mad at him. Last night, in her text, she told me she was tired of holding this grudge against him for something totally out of his control. This got me to thinking. Thinking about how stupid it is to hold a grudge against someone who has nothing better to do than pick on someone because she herself feels/felt like shit. Whatever. I'm over it. I don't like her, but I'm not going to talk about her behind her back. No more gossip about her. None of that. She'll just be another person in the hallway, of no relevence to my life. I'm growing up. I'm over it.

Joining her as another just-a-face-in-the-hallway is a girl I'll call H. I have had problems with this girl since the ninth grade. She dated a friend of mine and then broke her heart - twice, if memory serves. In addition to breaking my friend's heart, she is one of the biggest attention prostitutes I have ever met. She claims to have seen the 9/11 and Virginia Tech incidents in her dreams the night before each had happened. Now, I'm not denying the existence of clairvoyance, but the way she went about it screamed "I want attention." This is not the only instance, but seeing as I no longer want to gossip about this person, that is the only instance I will give.
Anygay, for the longest time, I have talked about this girl behind her back. I've done things in attempts to make her feel like shit, and looking back, I'm not very proud of it. So while I'll never like H, I'm no longer going to gossip about her. She's just someone I don't know, someone of no relevence to me.
I'm done.

~J*~