Pittsburgh... I Miss It Already

Usually, when we leave my aunt's house in Pittsburgh to come back to sucky ol' Maryland, I suffer from a bout of depression. Today was no different.

I also suffer from a realization of how much I absolutely hate this state.

Not just because of the shitty school systems and the too-warm weather, but just BECAUSE.

You know when you were four years old and someone asked you something and you'd say "just because?" Yeah. It's like that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be back in familiar surroundings, and to have one of my two lovely Pomeranians back.

Gizmo, the other one, is still boarded at the vet, because they aren't open on Sunday, and so we couldn't get him =[ He was terrified at first (My mom obviously called and checked in on him!) but then he started to warm up to the people there. I'm going to school late tomorrow just to pick him up. I miss him. He's seriously exclusively MY dog.

He loves me the mostest =]

I just hope he doesn't hate me too much ><

So I'll give you a quick rundown of my Thanksgiving holiday!! **confetti falls from sky and joyous music plays**

Thursday: The five hour journey to Pittsburgh, spent mostly blasting my iPod and singing. When we arrived, dinner was just about ready. We stayed at my aunt Ina's place, with my cousins Chris (19) and Matt (13). For dinner, my uncle Tom's brother and sister-in-law showed up, as well as my aunt Mim and her husband Danny, as well as her son Ricky. So we ate, and the table I sat at consisted of: Chris, Matt, Ricky, Tom's brother, and Danny. They talked about action movies and video games and guns, and I felt like an utter disgrace because of the overload of testosterone around me and, well, due to my feminine tendencies, I could barely partake in the conversation. My masculinity was slightly redeemed that night when me, Matt, and Danny were in the basement, Matt playing some Star Wars video game, and Danny and I had a discussion about horror/gory movies.
I guess that's one brownie point for me.

Friday: Um... nothing really. Just kinda hung out, I think. My memory of Friday isn't too great... Guess nothing really memorable happened. Except I finished the ninth Anita Blake novel :P

Saturday: We went to my aunt Mim's house for a while. My mom, Mim, and Ina (they're sisters, in case that wasn't clear) have a long-time friend named Rochelle, who came to visit them. So we just kinda hung out. That morning, I started the third House of Night novel, and finished it that same night. You must read the series. It's addictive. Slightly amateur in style, but addictive. That night, my aunt Ina and Chris went to a Penguins game - they won, woo! - and Matt had a friend come over. So me and my mom just read.

Sunday: The car ride home that should've been five hours was in actuality, seven, thanks to traffic. This was spent, once again, listening to music and reading. Honestly, the car ride up is so much better than the one back. Because, on the one back, I know I have to come home. A home I really want to get away from.

So yeah. That was my Thanksgiving holiday. I hope everyone else's was equally wonderful!!!

~J*~

PS:

Everyone, have a marvelous Thanksgiving. I hope the turkey - or vegitarian food? - is fabulous. Just don't eat too much!!

I'll be going to Pittsburgh, so I probably won't be blogging again until Sunday night or Monday some time. But yeah!!

Have fun!!

Be safe!!

Eat well!!

Be thankful!!

~J*~

My Gratitude List

Feel free to repost your own version in your own blog.

My Gratitude List

I Am Grateful:

1) that I have a mother who can support me and that I can trust, and be myself around.

2) that I have Abby, my best friend since seventh grade, who I can tell anything to and not be judged.

3) that I have Sam, my best friend since ninth grade, who I have spent many a late night on the phone with, talking about everything and nothing, laughing till we cry.

4) that I have two dogs, Misty and Gizmo, the barky, four pound furballs that somehow know when I'm not feeling at my best and try, in their doggy ways, to cheer me up.

5) that I have my Stairway Crew, who all provide me with the energy and laughs to make it through the day.

6) that I have my iPod, which provides me with the music I need to save my sanity, or gives me the inspiration to write.

7) for my creativity with words; without it, I would be backed up with stress and anger, no way to get it out.

8) for my cell phone, which saves me from boredom at the most boring times with random text messages from friends.

9) for books - Anita Blake in particular - which have provided me with the inspiration to start taking writing even more seriously.

10) for Nikki, who I met last summer, and even though she's 600 miles away, I feel like I've known her for forever. She is like a little sister to me, and I love her. And let's not forget Paige, who always makes our phone conversations even more interesting.

11) for Ashley, my tall emangsta girl and mentor. She has provided me with so much good advice, and it has saved me from making stupid mistakes.

12) for Laurell K. Hamilton, who pops out Anita Blake books at the rate that bunnies reproduce. Seriously, these books are fabulous. Read them.

13) for Clever Girl Tia, who writes an amazing blog that I can look forward to reading every day - and usually get quite a few laughs from.

I think that about sums it up.

=]

And, of course, I love you all - whoever's reading this.

~J*~

It's Happened

I have another blog.
It was bound to happen eventually.
/addiction

http://the-writer-ive-become.blogspot.com

~J*~

I Hate Living in an Apartment

So. I got to stay home today. So I only technically have one and a half days of school this week =D

"Why did you stay home, Joey? Bad boy, playing hooky."

NUH-UH.

Our washer is broken, and I have NO clean clothes. Maintenence was supposed to come fix it today, but they're still not here, so I may run a couple things over to Abby's in a couple hours... I dunno yet.

Yeah yeah, I should do laundry more regularly. Sue me.

So I've been reading all day, and watching TV, and having narcolepsy attacks. Just randomly sleeping, even though I slept enough. Probably some sleep debt. Yeah, we read about it in psychology.

Sleep debt - n; a result of sleep deprivation, which you "pay off" by sleeping more.

That's a rough definition. But I think I got rid of a little of that debt today.

Wheee! Hehe.

As I'm typing this, maintenence has knocked on the door, and they are now working on the washer. Yay! I get to clean clothes and go to school tomorrow - in clean clothes.

*Phew*

Weirdly, I miss school.

I know.

ODD.

I mean, I don't exactly dislike school, but at the same time, I just don't wanna go all the time. But I kinda missed it today.

Except for the test in psychology I was supposed to take.

Yikes.

I studied, though!!

Too bad my pet "lesbian" has my book.

Damn you, Sam.

~J*~

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight (I can haz review?)

I'll explain my process to you before I go further, 'kay?

I'm a die-hard movie fan - usually some form of horror or thriller, or most things with a supernatural element. Except for sci-fi. But when I see a movie, I automatically begin to mentally tear it apart and nitpick at the negative things. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I hate the movie. But I critique the hell out of it. It's rare that I find a movie I get so sucked into that I don't critique it at all. I found one today called "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon," but we'll save that for a rainy day.

In any case, most of my problems with Twilight were in the acting - and, of course, the horrid CGI, but the budget is limited. Everything else deserves nothing but praise, because over all, they did a miraculous job. So much better than I was expecting.
__________

So I'll just start with the basics: adaptation

There are slight spoilers, but nothing that'll ruin everything for you

The book and the film were not identical twins, but it is like that with every movie adapted from print-on-page to the silver screen. Harry Potter, for example. While most of those films so far have remained faithful to the books, they are never 100% similar, nor can they ever be - generally for time's sake, or because narration in films becomes bothersome.

In the adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's bestselling, cliched (yet remarkably written) tale of the love between mortal and immortal beings, things were changed around, added, and taken away - mostly for time's sake, and the sake of the interest of the audience. For example, three-fifths of the novel is about Edward Cullen and Isabella (Bella) Swan falling in love. It is not until the latter two-fifths that Lorent, James, and Victoria show up and begin to cause trouble. However, in the movie, two innocent lives are lost to these three vampires.

Other than that, the adaptation was very good. Things were switched around, but it didn't affect the overall outcome of the movie.
____________

The acting

Kristen Stewart was phenominal. As soon as I read the novel, an image of the young actress - famous for Panic Room, Speak, and The Messengers. And what do you know - she is casted for the role. That made me ecstatic - she was absolutely flawless. She played the role perfectly - from the clumsiness, right down to the social issues. It is apparent that she is good at whatever theme she is acting under, and her career will definitely be a successful one. My fear, however, is that she will be best known for Bella Swan in the Twilight saga adaptation. I sincerely hope she is not done after these films are all complete.

------

Then, of course, Nikki Reed, playing the role of Rosalie. Nikki is most famous for the teen drama Thirteen, which I have yet to see. I did, however, see her in a movie called Mini's First Time, also starring Alec Baldwin. Her performance as a cold-hearted, vixen bitch was mindblowing, and she once again takes it to that same icy level with Rosalie.

------

Robert Pattinson is another story, however. Described in the book, Edward is supposed to be a gorgeous, godly creature. I guess, in his own way, Pattinson fits the bill. Everyone has their type - he's just not mine. But that was not the problem with me.

The problem was his acting.

By the end of the movie, Pattinson simply was Edward Cullen. However, I think he was simply focusing way too much on sounding American, and that was detracting from his full potential at playing the part. Obviously, playing Edward, he needed to sound "American," so not much could have been done about that. But I just think that's what was detracting from the acting itself.

------

Taylor Lautner, the boy that played Jacob, famous for... well... nothing... Well, let's just say it's apparent why he's famous for nothing. To put it nicely, his acting could use some serious work.

____________

Everyone else basically ranged from pretty good to really good on the acting scale, but, to be frank, I just don't feel like going through all of them XD

But yeahhh that about sums it up!!
=D

Go see it.
Now.

~J*~

Monster and Bank Robberies... Say What?

I had three doses of caffiene today.
My heart hurt.
Is that a bad thing?

I had a cup of coffee this morning and a Snickers "Blasted" bar... or something to that effect. Basically a Snickers bar with caffiene and taurine. Then a can of Monster.

God.

I love Monster.

Seriously, if you haven't had it, go buy a can at your nearest convenience store slash supermarket. 'Gasmic. Preferably green or red ("Assault.") The blue is basically just "diet," and orange ("Khaos") is somewhat of an aquired taste, as is yellow ("M-80"), because they're both juice blends. As is the purple ("MIXX'D"), but really, that just tastes like grape soda. Then there are the coffee flavors.
Mmmmm.
I can haz mocha flavor, plz?

Wow, I just spent like, so long talking about M O N S T E R. But it's just that amazing.


Anyway.


So I live in an eastern state. And in this eastern state there is a town of about 7,500 people with not-exactly-defined "city limits." It's quite a small town, depending on what you think the limits are. But anyway.
In our extended fifth period, my friend Laura texted me.

"be careful going home!"

My response: "Why?"

"someone robbed a bank in *****ville and now they're in *******ville (my town) and they're armed."

Basically, it was all over the news. There were three suspects, and they shot one down and killed him, and they found the second and they think they know where the third is. So yeah.

But it was a really big deal. My high school isn't in my town, so it wasn't affected too bad, but basically the kids that live in the general area where they thought the guy was had to go to this middle school in the area - my middle school, no less. My BFF main girl Abby goes to a high school not far from the middle school, so she was on lockdown. But they eventually let everyone go home.

Good thing I stayed after school ><

I'm terrified. In like, two weeks or less, we have that performance in the Shakespeare Theater in DC, and gahhh I'm going to die. We had rehearsal today after school - my theater class is seventh period, so that was convenient - and just... I mean, it's slowly coming together, but the guy that I'm doing the scene with isn't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed (Juno reference :3), and like... I dunno, I'm just really nervous.
GAH.
=[

I want to back out, but I think it's too late.

FUDGENUTTERS.

~J*~

PS: I really need material for my advice blog. It's so neglected =[ **hugs blog**
kthnxguys

The Burts and the Bees

So I have a new addiction.

I haven't worn chapstick for M O N T H S. No lie. The last time I put anything on my lips, it was Vaseline, because I didn't have chapstick, and my lips hurt so bad. I don't know how I've survived this long. Seriously. My lips were like a desert. Good thing no one's kissed me for two years :P

But I really needed something last night so I asked my mom if she had any chapstick, and she gave me this Burt's Bees Lip Balm and I'm like, addicted to it. I swear, they put crack in it, so when you lick your lips, you want more. Because I've been putting some on like, every hour today. It's a bit riDUNKulous.

Yeah.

I said it.

Got a problem?

Who you tryna front?

[/britneyspearsreference]


My theater class is so bad. That's what I get for signing up for a class with like, one junior, one sophomore, and the rest -- FRESHMEN.
((No offense to the ninth graders of the world... unless you're obnoxious.))
But seriously, they don't know when to shut the eff up, and we have a performance in a little over a week for the general public at the Shakespeare Theatre in Washington D.C. for a scene from Romeo and Juliet and Jesus Christ I'm so nervous!! But these kids can't shut the eff up, so we're so far behind in rehearsing and seriously, they're screwing us all over.

So we have to divide up the roles a bit, right? There are only eight speaking roles, and Ms. Roots divided them up so fourteen people can have speaking parts. There are three girls playing Lady Capulet (Juliet's mother, for those of you unfamiliar). Well, today, one of them kept giggling a little at one point for whatever reason, and Ms. Roots said "There are other girls that wanted this role," and the girl took it the wrong way and stormed off and the entire class decided to go wild and Ms. Roots got really upset and went into her office. Meanwhile, me and this guy Max are trying to get everyone to shut up by telling them that not only are they screwing THEMSELVES over by talking so much, but they're screwing the people that DO care over, too.
Ms. Roots came back out of her office and gave a long speech and she started crying and people felt bad and I wanted to hug her, but then I'd have seemed like a teacher's pet, so I didn't XD But yeah... it was awful. She was my English teacher last year, second semester, and I really like her, she's fairly awesome.
=]
So yeah. It's just really frustrating because, while I have a bit part, I want to actually REHEARSE so I don't make a giant fool of myself in front of zillions of people.
So yeah.
Nerves much?

Well, I do believe that's about it.
TTFN<3

~J*~

--Currently binging on MayDay Parade--

The Life Story You HAVEN'T Been Waiting For

So I've realized that I haven't had an actual really long post, like, detailed and meaningful, like all the other good bloggers do quite often. But I've always sort of wondered: what do I talk about? Do I talk about me? I don't really like talking about myself too much; I start to feel conceited. So what do I talk about?

Maybe I'll welcome you to my life a little bit. How about a life story?
I suppose this entails talking about myself, but oh well. Maybe it'll get some of my writer's block out of my skull, eh?
No, I'm not Canadian.

A few posts ago, I said I would get into my whole "coming out thing." I guess that's kinda where my life really begins.

I was thirteen, and I was desperatly "in love" with a girl. Yes. A girl. I'll call her R. I was on MySpace, checking bulletins and the such, and I saw a survey from her. Since I felt so strongly about her, I was obviously stalking her.
On this survey, it was said that R felt bisexual guys were "hot." So I figured I would tell her I was bisexual so she would think I was hot and she'd want me. So tell her I did, and still, nothing change.
It was then I realized - oh shit. I really do like boys.

I spent the next year and a half trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay, simply because - and I told my life coach, Diana, this - I was scared for the kids I would one day have, and I didn't want them to face the torment of being made fun of for having two daddies.

During this period - in eigth grade - I became close to Abby. You see, as the hit movie Juno begins:
It started with a chair.
Our friendship actually started with a short obnoxious closetcase named "C," who Abby was dating at the time. A huge fight broke out between the three of us, things were said, misunderstandings were made, and I dated Abby for a week. She broke up with me on the way to the first date. Partly because she was in love with another boy, and she knew - before I did - that I was gay.
It was after that that we began to get really close. While she was carrying a spinny chair out to the dumpster.

Me - **doubletake** Abby?
Abby - **looks around, sees me** You live here?!
Me - You live here?!
**Laugh and talk**
So yeah. We began to hang out and wha-bam. Just add sexual harrassment, insta-friendship.

At the start of ninth grade, I met a girl named Ashely. She had changed my life, and I'm not exaggerating. She has given me so much great advice, and she helped me so much through the period described next.

In ninth grade, I met a boy named "D." D was dating a girl at the time, but somehow I knew he wasn't exactly the straightest stick in the forest.

(Oh yeah. I'm witty.)

It was a sort of love at first sight, and a mutual friend introduced us. One day after school, D asked me out, and we began seeing each other after school for two and a half months. Those were some of the best months of my life. I was so damn happy. And then, a couple days before Christmas, he had to end it all.
Oh well.

I was miserable until the following August. I know. Bella without Edward, anyone? It's pathetic, I know, but I was just so deeply in love with him, and I seriously thought he felt the same way.
But what about the girlfriend, you ask. D told me he told the girl, and I was naive enough to believe him. It wasn't until months after our relationship had ended that I found out he'd lied. To be blunt, he's a compulsive liar.

During this period, Ashley helped me a lot, by putting up with my whining and complaining and stubbornness. She wasn't afraid to be blunt with me, and I thank her for that more than you can know.

It is the following spring after the break up that I met Sam, and my life has never been the same. She has made it so much better. She and Abby both have just made me such a better person, and I've changed so much because of them. When I met Sam, I really thought that she would be one of the first friends that faded into the shroud of memories after she graduated. Little did I know we'd spend almost every night the following year, up until even now, on the phone, talking about everything, talking about nothing.

The following summer I met Nikki. You don't understand how close I feel to her, even though she's at least six hundred miles away. I feel like while I'm giving her as best advice from my two years of extra experience that I can, while she helps me in more ways than she knows - simply by being there, and listening when I need somone to listen. Even when I don't want to hear the truth, she gives it to me like it needs to be given.

I had to come out to my mom three times. Once when I told her I was bisexual - that was a cry-fest - and twice for her to understand that I am, in fact, gay. The last time was particularly emotional - it was over the phone, with Diana, who moderated the whole affair. My mother is not a homophobe. She is a more accepting mother than I could have hoped for. But she is scared for me, and I understand that.

I still have not come out to my dad.

Maybe I won't, because I don't want to deal with him any longer than I have to. While he is not an asshole to me, he is to my mother, and sometimes he is an asshole to her through me. He uses me to hurt her, thanks to whatever grudge he holds against her for whatever he thinks she did twelve years ago, when they got divorced.

Blah.

But let's move back to the present!!!
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Today. Lunch was so much fun. It started off with leaving psychology. I tried to drag Rosie (mentioned in the blog about the Halloween party) to our stairway, and she was trying to go to her place, wherever that may be. Regardless, we were pulling against each other, which resulted in banging each other against the lockers and grunts that sounded quite sexual. The girl, "R," mentioned earlier, saw this and got quite confused.

Me - Hi, R!
R - Um... hi **runs into bathroom**
**Me and Rosie continue to pull at each other in suggestive positions**
**Mae walks up**
Mae - Joey, you're so bi!
Me - NUH UH!

**gigglegiggleSNORT** it was funny.
And then in the stairway, Sam was messing with me, so I attacked her, which led to a fight while we scooched our asses across the floor.
Oh my God.
It was amazing.
XD

But yeah.

=]
Well I think I'm done wasting your time.
Adios.
(That means goodbye)

<3
~J*~

One Day, and I Already Mess Up... Sort Of?

So yesterday I did good with the eating less. I ate an apple and a teeny piece of banana bread for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and leftover lo mein for dinner, followed by five caramel creams. My new workout of 100 crunches, 5 ten second squats, and 30 minutes of walking was thrown in there.

Today was a different story.

When I'm done typing this, I am going to work out. But I ate more than I would've liked to. The peanut butter bagel this morning was fine. Sandwich for lunch? Sure. But then I fell into my pattern of eating when I get home once again. I used to not eat lunch at all at school and eat when I came home and ususally binge a bit on junk food.
Well, today when I got home, I made one Lean Pocket, ate a handful of cheez-its, two squares of peppermint bark Ghiardelli, and a banana.
Ugh.
I feel ewey.
So I'll binge on Semi Precious Weapons :D
I have been since school let out, though... I've been music binging a lot lately. Katy Perry, Lily Allen , MayDay Parade , Danger: Radio , and Semi Precious Weapons.
/music whore

~J*~

Self Esteem? What Self Esteem?

I'm so unhappy.

Ever since I left that party last night, I've been having the BIGGEST self-confidence issues. I don't like my body. I shan't deny, I have a decent face, but my body is like **flab** and I hate it. So I was being all emo last night and then my "mentor" Ashley IMed me this really long IM because I was bitching to her about not being happy with myself and it made me cry happy tears.
So basically, I'm starting a workout regimine. 100 crunches a day, 10 squats, 30 minutes of walking OR a Tae Bo tape, 100 butt clenches - yes, butt clenches, get the giggles out of your system now - and maybe some stuff with the six pound dumbbells I have. I'm going to start eating breakfast, then a small lunch when I get home, then dinner. Breakfast will consist of maybe an egg or two and/or maybe an apple.
It goes a lot deeper than just a random bout of bad self-esteem, but I'm not getting into it on a blog that anyone can see, because it come back to bite me in the ass and potentially humiliate me greatly.
But yeah.
Basically I'm unhappy with my gross-ocity. Trying to fix that.

Oh but it goes so much deeper...


~J*~

Partayy in the Hiz-ousseeeee

So my friend Kara celebrated her sixteenth birthday tonight. I'll start off by saying her house is absolutely ENORMOUS. Iloveit.

But tonight was one of the best of my life. Aside from a few self confidence issues, it was amazing. There were like, twenty people there. Half of us danced for quite a while - including my lesbian friend Rosie, her man candy Jonathan, the birthday girl herself - Kara - her friend Erika, and my friend Mae. Yeahh it was fun. Freakdancing with girls when you're gay is like... not as awkward as you'd think :P

I KISSED A GIRL.
AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

Hahaha.
I don't think she liked it either. It was Rosie, and since she's a lesbian... so yeahhh.

And then we all played truth or dare. We all meaning me, Kara, Mae, Rosie, Jonathan, this guy Michael, and Erika. Kara got dared first to give Jonathan a lapdance and he's quite attractive so yeah :P That was interesting. Then she asked me if I'd do Jonathan and I said yes XD Then I dared Mae to french kiss Kara. I must say, that was hot :P Then Mae dared Michael to do something... it wasn't that exciting. Then Michael dared Jonathan to either:
A) Shake his crotch (wearing only boxers) in Rosie's face or
B) Make his best orgasm sound.
He picked the second one, but he was really shy, so Mae was like "someone should do it first... Joey?" So I did and everyone died laughing. Then someone bent his fingers back because apparently, whatever noise you make when someone bends your fingers back is your sex sound, and it was like "Ouch!" Haha.
Then he asked Erika if she looked at porn and she said yeah, but she doesn't really get to, because her parents are always home XD.
Then she asked me if I ever had sex with a boy and I said no and she asked if I knew how and I was all "UM YES?!" ahhahaha.
Then I dared Rosie to flash everyone, but granted her permission to keep her bra on :P
And then everyone started to leave =[
BUT IT WAS FUN!!

~J*~

I Want to Kill Writer's Block in the Face

I'm currently writing two things. One is the third part of a series similar to the Anita Blake series - if you've been reading this blog, I'm sure you're familiar by now - and a romance/drama story about two young lovers, Kale and Theo.
And, for the longest time, I've had the worst writer's block in the history of mankind.
Remember how I had that writer's block a while back? I'm not sure it ever really went away. I was in a writing frenzy last night, but I was backing myself into a corner with the story and it would turn into a dead-end. So just before I started writing this blog, I was writing the first of the two stories I just mentioned. I got maybe two pages done.
HELP.
I don't know how.
Any tricks - other than listening to music - to cure writer's block that you know of?
I have an outline for the Anita Blake-ish book, so I know what I wanna do, where I wanna go, but I just can't seem to get from point A to point B.
I think I'm screwed for the time being :[

~J*~

Better.

Everything's better.
No details provided, other than a lengthy conversation and millions of truths...
But everything's better.
I feel whole again.

~J*~

Twenty Four Hours.

Does posting a blog almost every day make me a sort-of, unofficial member of NaBloPoMo?

Whatever.

I've been lying to myself for the past... twenty four hours, almost exactly. I keep telling myself that I don't care that I haven't talked to my best friend. I keep telling myself I'm not bothered by this. But I am. I feel like a giant part of me has been cut away. I woke up dreading today. I didn't know what I would do. A shared bus stop; how to prevent awkwardness?
By hiding around the corner, of course, and walking right by her as if she didn't exist.
I know I chose this, and I'm not un-choosing it. I'm not saying I have any regrets, because I don't. I just... that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
During a fight, twenty four hours is the longest we have gone without talking. On average, it's about.... six or seven hours?
All the same. She broke a promise to me not once, not twice, but three times, and the last time was just the cigarette that broke the "Camel"'s back. (Ciggie pun, haw haw haw.) She lied to me two years ago and almost killed a friendship with someone - a friendship that was damned anyway, but the fact is she did something stupid and lied to me about it.
She is a hypocrite.
She can say whatever she wants to me and get away with it, but if I say something similar to her, all hell breaks loose.

The fights usually get resolved in the same manner. An emotional phone call, followed by a pity party on her end, usually involving the phrase, "I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a bitch." Constant poor-pitiful-me, which really doesn't help anything. It just makes everyone involved feel worse.

All the same.

She hasn't called yet.
And I'm not calling.

~J*~

So Is That It, Then?

Avril Lavigne - Too Much To Ask



It's the first time I've ever felt this lonely,
Wish someone cure this pain
It's funny when you think it's gonna work out
Till you chose weed over me you're so lame

I thought you were cool until the point,
Up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would
Finally figured out you're all the same,
Always coming up with some kind of story

Every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't your too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

Thought you'd come around when I ignored you,
Sorta thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe I guess you didn't take that warning,
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You stand like a stone,
Alone in your zone
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

Yeah-eya yeah-eya

Can't find where I am, lying here alone in fear,
Afraid of the dark, no one to claim alone again

YEAH-EYA EYA EYA

Can't you see that you lie to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror,
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

Every time I try to make you smile,
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't your too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I asked him for

~~~~~~

Replace "weed" with "nicotine" and you get where I'm at right now.

Today, I was walking with my best friend, who made a promise to me that she would quit smoking. She had been good for about a month. She smoked yesterday, and I didn't mind. Everyone slips up once in a while. But today... she knew full I had expected yesterday to be her last. I asked her today if she was going to put the cigs down. She said no. I told her she made a promise to me and she proceeded with her normal spiel about being a liar and a cheater and a bitch. I walked away and ended up waiting for her to see if she'd really do it. As she walked towards me, she lit up. I told her:
"I guess we know where your loyalties lie - nicotine over friendship."
I don't know when she'll try to apologize, but she always does.
Thing is:
How do I know she'll mean it this time?
How do I know I can trust her anymore?
I never had too much of a problem with trusting her before, even though she's lied to me before.
But this is different....

~J*~

Stupid people. Have you not a clue the definition of love?

As I referenced yesterday, Proposition Eight was passed in California. I found out today, in my school's Gay-Straight Alliance, that two other states - Florida and, I believe, Alabama - passed similar bans on same-sex marriage. This is not fair. At all. How can you just say no to two people that love each other, even if they are the same gender? It's no different than not allowing bi-racial couples to marry several decades ago. Moreover... well, let me get into a related story first.
I got on the bus today. Now, before I continue, I'd like to say that the school I attend is very liberal - almost every classroom has a poster that says "This room is a safe haven for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and straight students." I got on the bus and took my seat as a girl a seat over from me is ranting to her friends about gay marriage and how someone got mad at her for being against it. Now, I do not mind that she has her own opinion.
However.
I do mind the fact that she quoted her mother as saying "Love the sinner, not the sin." Being gay is a sin? Really? The way you are born is a sin? You can change your sexual orientation as much as you can change your skin color. Do you think I like being called faggot, and having to deal with ignorant people? No. I do not enjoy that, and if I had a choice, I would not be blogging right now. I'd be in my room with a girl, virginity long gone. So no, it's not a choice, as much as it's your choice of who you fall in love with.
I cannot stand ignorant people.
The Bible is not completely right.
I'm not anti-Christian.
But the Good Book is not 100% right.
I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but... well, that's my belief, and I'm sticking to it.

~J*~

Obama. Yes. Obama.

I'm not trying to rub anything in anyone's face. People were doing that all day, and it pissed me off. One of my classmates got in a fight with her best friend because of her lack of support for Obama. One of my classmates was rubbing the fact Obama won in a McCain supporter's face.
I do not want to do that.
But I do want to say how incredibly happy I am Barack Obama is the forty-fourth Commander-in-Chief. A so-called socialist, I'm not sure if I believe there is a such thing as "too liberal." If there is, the Obama certainly is at that extreme.
I'm a hardcore liberal, so quite frankly, it doesn't bother me that much, because we do not have another Republican in office.

I am not happy, though.

Proposition Eight was passed in California. This ban against gay marriage is total hypocrisy to the recent passage of same-sex wedding rights. However, with such a liberal coming into office in two months, I hope that he can override this resurrection of discrimination; the discrimination no different than the discrimination seventy years ago, against African Americans.
It's in Barack Obama's hands now.
We can only hope equality is established under Obama's reign.
And we can only hope we'll be leaving Iraq.
We can only hope for taxing equality.
We can only hope.

~J*~

One of the Best Nights of My Life

Words cannot describe the utter fabulousity of last night. Like, for rizzle. So let's try to with as much detail as possible. So much, it shall be sickening, and you will probably stop reading this 1/4 of the way through :D

So my dad picked me and Abby up and took us over to Sam's, where we were greeted by her and Megan in her wonderful Mrs. Lovett costume. Sarah came downstairs eventually in full Alice In Wonderland get-up; ADORABLE!! Eventually, Jayson and Becca came over, Becca as a... herself.... and Jayson wearing eyeshadow and a dab of fake blood. Eventually, we all went out. Everyone was going door-to-door, so I got caught up in the trick-or-treating madness. We scared old people, kids, and teenagers. Chasing after two teenage girls in a blood-spattered mask with a rubber knife is fun =D
So we were trick-or-treating and we went to the park for a quick intermission. Abby challenged all of us to scare her to the point that she screams. She then proceeded to lay down on a table in the park as I pole danced and Jayson and Becca swung and Sam talked to them and Megan and Sarah talked on the bench. So I walked over to Abby and stood by her until she opened her eyes and almost screamed because I scared her. Then Jayson jumped on the table and she SHRIEKED. Then we all started screaming and passers-by were getting freaked out. Then we went back to going trick-or-treating and Abby started in with her English accent, which got Jayson doing his, which got Jayson and myself started on quoting Lily Allen - "Knock Em Out" in particular.
We went back to the park and resumed the same activities. On the way back to Sam's, Jayson and Becca went home.

(Oh my God, Sam has so many lesbians in her neighborhood!!)

So we got back to Sam's and all traded candiez and took pictures (which I'm uploading to Facebook now, as I type this) and laughed hysterically. Soon thereafter, Abby left, and we all proceeded to beat each other up and laugh and yeah.

It was just the climax of fun-ness.

Hehe.

Climax.

~J*~